Friday, April 23, 2010


I watched it, you should too. Unless you don't like violence. Or superheroes.


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I was

going to write something, but it felt forced. I am debating whether or not I should just not post something. I guess you don't have to wait for the answer.


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I have

come to the point in my life where I am starting to notice gray hairs and new wrinkles. I am 27 living with roommates. Is that a bad thing? Who knows? You do. So tell me right now. What am I supposed to do about this aging thing? I wonder if I am thinking too much about it. I used to live by the philosophy, "Why worry about the things you can't change?" But this is really getting to me. I feel trapped or caged.

I am starting to seriously consider moving to New York. The apartments don't look too expensive, cheaper than here. I would live in Brooklyn. I would live in snow, but oh, I would have a train, the park and a cliched life of moving there from a small town, well not directly.

I don't know what I am doing.


Sunday, April 11, 2010


So I stayed up very late last night and made a video, well rather I edited one to make it better. Last week I went to a Giants game with a lot of the students and thought I would make a video. Still, I am just testing out the camera and software, and I think I am getting the hang of it. So you can go to my youtube page and see it there.

I hope you all enjoy, it was fun to make. In case you are wondering, the song is Lightspeed, by Matt & Kim.

Stay gold


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

a day at two museums and a park

I went to the de Young and then to Yerba Buena and then to the SFMOMA. This is what came of the visits. I wrote some poems. Save you eye rolls for after please. This is the poem I wrote after I told my students to write one for class.

Yerba Buena

with the sound of thunder behind me and sugar drops of water I sit on concrete.
two men fight in a circle, starting on their hands, slowly.
the child cries under the waterfall, but the sun still shines.
i see a shadow of a man writing, his hand, never letting the pen go, pink knuckles.
i am at the center of the world, dreaming of jet streams behind me while the sun embraces my neck.

I'm not sure this would be much different under the moon.
The coins reflect nothing but hopes, each a different color, each a different dream.
A child on his knees contemplates the rippling water as I contemplate him.
The tired sakura say goodbye to the hellos of the green, unwavering grass.
Men in suits, women in skirts, teenagers pass walking mirrors and look past.

Culture and history crowd this park, doves are pigeons here.
the ocean sky has no sand, no ships, and no whales.
My shaded eyes squint and I realize it is finally spring.
no snow here but the fog relents and we wait for the wave to come down.
Sadness is joy here, the sun warms the soul, and the sky cools the mind.

This one I wrote after visiting two museums and had a line just stick in my mind all afternoon. So I just had to write it down.

Frown Smile

I like paintings of poets, drunks and men with beards.
Usually they are on in the same.
I don't like paintings of happy people,
Usually that moment of jubilation doesn't last.
It becomes unrealistic.
I like photographs of happiness.
That just makes more sense to me.

Happiness, though usually isn't that moving
No one has decided to take action
because of seeing someone laughing or smiling.
Sadness gets things done.


Sunday, April 4, 2010


a while I feel that the weekend was way too short. In fact, all weekends seem short. Why is that? It's Sunday night. I am at home, ready to wind down and maybe make a movie. I shot almost twenty minutes of footage at the Giants game. Now all I have to do is somehow doctor it so that the Giants won. They didn't. It was nine-zero after the last out. That is my night. I just wanted something quiet after a few days out. Friday was another outing at a Japanese restaurant, no Karaoke this time. Yesterday, I went to a BBQ and then hung out with my roommate and her friends, opting out of going to a club. Today was a delicious ham and giant squid. I ate the ham and watched the squid on TV, just in case you were wondering. I hope that this week will be a little calmer. Calm is good. Rowdy is good too, just not now, not for me. I had a thought yesterday, "I wish I grew up in Brooklyn." But after thinking about it I realized how much of a contradiction this wish really is. If I had grown up in Brooklyn, I would have wanted to grow up somewhere else. Or I would have been a totally different person, one who might never have come here and been riding on the BART at the time of this idea. So, logically this wish doesn't make sense.

I might be going crazy by having nostalgia for a past I never experienced. I should be focusing on the amazing life I did have. I think that I'm just not fully satisfied with where my life is right now and I am trying to pinpoint the time in my life when I could have changed the outcome, where I am at now. I think about if I had grown up in Brooklyn, or if I had gone to this school, of if I had studied something different. The logical Dustin, which in recent years has completely taken over the emotional Dustin, knows that is just a waste of time and thinking about the past will solve nothing unless you are not repeating the mistakes you made. The problem I have is, there really isn't a mistake I regret. I just have this feeling of emptiness inside. Instead of focusing on the present and what I can actually change, I think about what I could have done differently. I'm not sure this is making any sense to you but that just adds to the frustration. If I knew what I regretted I could analyze it, break it down and devour it. Swallow it, digest it, and move on.