Sunday, November 28, 2010

I breathe

and I breathe and I breathe. Tonight, with a spark of creativity that exploded I tried and am trying to get it all out. I started a new art project *top secret* and worked on some music. I have this strange and sudden need to get some art out there, out into the world. I don't know what medium it will be, or if it will even have an impact. I just can't wait for the moment to have it out, then I can watch what the world does with it. Chew it up, embrace it. I don't care. I will have done my part, however small. I think I have the talent, I just need the patience. It all takes time. That is one thing I had failed to realize when I first started writing. I thought i could write it and be done with it. Now I know it has to simmer, until the boiling point. I can see everything in my head, but usually it is a split second. The hardest thing is capturing that perfection. You see it, but don't always have the opportunity to put it down how it needs. I do believe the greatest motivation is seeing what others have done and trying to eclipse it. I can stand in awe of the great accomplishments, for those I do have much respect, but this is where my competitive side comes out. Rarely do I want to admit to myself that I couldn't do what they did. Astronauts, on the other hand...

Now let me get this straight, I don't normally put this idea of myself out into the world. I am a very humble person (pause for irony.) I am writing this as kind of a challenge. It is too often that I forego creativity for simplicity. I encourage you not to do the same. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. It doesn't even have to exist after you create it. I just want you to get the same feeling as I have right now. This feeling that I can't control my fingers. That there is an inside force, finally escaping. That feeling where you breathe and breathe and breathe and you don't notice it. Do it and you will recognize your lungs.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It's been some time

I know I have been behind. But here is what has happened. Take a deep breath. I'm not stopping.

I went to Denver, saw my wonderful sister, watched Hubble 3-D, which absolutely blew my mind, I am still trying to figure out how long 90 trillion miles is and how they were able to capture it, had some Denver sushi, went to a comedy improv show,flew to New York, finished my second book of the trip, walked from the lower east side to 42nd street drinking every type of alcohol we could think of, saw a giant hole, ended up in times square around 2:30 in the morning, there was no one there, took a cab home, pissed in the street, the next day took it easy until we went to Tribeca and saw James Fucking Franco (as his name will forever be known to me) read from his god awful short story collection, went to an amazing erotic acrobatic display, in an abandoned building in Brooklyn, (seriously that was amazing, beautiful and awe inspiring , for people who did this all on their own.) The next night we toured around Williamsburg, (birthplace of my people: hipsters) went to a shitty house party and then had some slices, next day I met up with a former student who lives in Boston but was going over to New York anyway, she's a sweetheart, the next day was sunday and we didn't do much during the day, instead we met up with some friends of my gracious host at a bar where when you buy a drink you get a free mini pizza, I didn't sleep that night because I was flying out very early, flew home, finished another book, came back to work to discover that my class had been dismantled, meaning i lost a lot of my favorite students to morning classes, rooted for the giants, less than a week later watched Brian Wilson strike the last texas player out and saw a city explode, from the Thai restaurant we were watching the game at we headed, in the back of a pickup truck (montana?) to the Mission where we gave high five after high five while drinking tall bys and watching hipsters, grandmothers, mexicans, punks, jocks, the homeless and everyone else dance, hug, cheer and yell, all because we won, (yes I said we I was a part of this team just as much as anyone else driving by and honking their horns) It was all fun until someone started a fire in the street and forced the riot police out, they stormed through twenty abreast, pushing me onto the side walk, well not all of them just one, that was a Monday night, Wednesday the Giants rolled into town and were given a much deserved parade, the streets were full all day and I touched electricity,since then the routine kicked in, I did however read one of the best books I've ever read, (Number 9 Dream-David Mitchel), I am up to twenty nine books this year and on my thirtieth, I have watched 154 movies and ... oh yeah I gained ten pounds which I am slowly losing, my mind, however, still here, I think I will always have a map to it.