Friday, December 31, 2010


I have decided to share some of the photos I have been taking recently. I hope you enjoy. As the year officially wraps up I will write more, meaning tomorrow when I will take the appropriate time to reflect. It should be interesting

Sunday, December 19, 2010

For the most part

I view myself as an open person. However, I am realizing that most of what I do, I mean the day to day rarely gets shared. That's fine. I'm not in a relationship and that's where people open up about what they do. That's because the other are the only ones who care. It's not a strange concept and it doesn't work with all relationships. If you ask me a question I will answer it. I am more open to hearing what others have done. I will add something if I feel it relative. I have always been a talkative person and more and more I am trying to understand what I was actually saying. Growing up, I was always the kid who was sat next to the teacher, just to get him to focus. I wasn't a bad kid, a bad teenager yes, and that is from the perspective of the teachers, most would say that I led a pretty safe teenage life. I didn't have my first kiss until I was fifteen. I smoked, I drank, but I was never malicious. I am not a mean person. I have a hard time understanding the motives of others when they are solely for personal gain. I will never make it in the business world. The status quo of my life is usually fine, unless I find it boring. That's when I grasp the desire to change.

It is unavoidable to not look back at this year, just putting mileage on your life is thought provoking. Sometimes it brings a smile, or a pang of regret. It shows us missed opportunities and hopefully we can see how lucky we are to be counting the remaining seconds. I'm sure in a few weeks I will have more on this. I would be lying if I said that everything was perfect this year. It makes me think of the idea of happiness. When we do achieve it, does it last? I am thinking about the people who always find a fault, think that the there is something better coming up. For those people, like it or not, I believe that is their happiness. I, on the other hand, feel that I am fortunate to be able to recognize these moments in life that no one else will understand. These are the moments you have by yourself, or with someone that, no matter ho hard you tried to explain them, it's not the same. These are the moments I keep silent about. These are my secrets. The fact of the matter is that I don't actually want to share them with others. I have been blessed with the understanding that what other people think only matters when you are trying to change their mind. Sure there could be repercussions, but if it comes to that you can always envelop them into the moment. When those thoughts come into my mind I smile. I throw the proverbial middle finger up and hope they enjoy the show, whatever that might be.

Monday, December 6, 2010

I sit

here while it is raining and think about last week when the lightning was striking. I remembered that when I was a kid I don't think I was ever really afraid of it. Even though it looked like it cracked the sky, it always disappeared. I would sit, as I think many do, and listen to the thunder roll over the many hills and mountains that surrounded our town. I could hear it coming and going. When I think about it now, understanding the science of it all, I think of all the mysterious things that are not anymore. Rainbows, animals, human behavior. I think that is what it means to be a grown up, to mature and understand things, that seemed so magical. I guess I am still trying to comprehend what I am going through. The years rolling by and how age determines what we have learned in our lives. Some people have stopped learning. They compromise and they find themselves satiated with what they have. I guess that's okay. Most people have more than others, well at least the people I know. I am rambling, I am trying to put into words the frustration I have, that no benchmarks are clear. Does it hit you and your head clears and you can say to yourself, "Yeah ok, now that that is over, time to move on." Or do you remember something and then there is the realization that in the past few months, years, there was a change and you have been who you are for quite some time? Does it ever come, or are you transported between different periods of humanity all while the clock ticks? Do you get to be a different role player, now I am a child, now I am an adult, now I am responsible, now I can act like a jackass? Now I am wise, but yesterday I was a fool? I just don't get it.