Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I woke up late today.

I was late to work, and added to the chaos of moving and most everyone coming back from vacation. I threw on clothes, didn't shower. I hadn't bought deodorant, but I did have the presence of mind to grab an old stick of travel antiperspirant of my sisters, that I had been using all week because my deodorant had exploded, to make sure I didn't sweat through my clothes. All I had was my record at work. I have filled in many times and think I have only been late once or twice in almost a year and a half. I still worried. But that is done. I made it through with little harm, because where I work is great.

I had a few sitcom moments today. I wanted to buy some cologne today. Yes, I wear cologne, that doesn't make me a metro-sexual. However my nose was a little plugged, I think because of the central air in the new building. So I couldn't just smell the nozzles, and unfortunately, I failed to see the little cards that are used for the purpose of testing the scents. I did leave there with a new cologne, and a sweet gym bag as a free gift, and sadly my hands smelling like six or seven different odors. I was assaulted with this combination all the way home, with a scratch of my beard, or a sip of my vitamin water. The issue has been resolved. I just took a shower, so I smell of body soap, conditioner, and minty freshness.

I was watching a tv cop show. When I was home I found an old pair of sweet head phones with an exceptionally long cord. As I was sitting at my computer watching the show I used my rolley chair to get around and as it turned out the cord had wrapped around the stem of the chair and I was stuck. I laughed because I could see myself. I thought, "Shit like this actually happens to people. Huh?" My life is filled with cords and screens.

I found a few new things today. Look up a cop show called "The Unusual." It started in April and has already been canceled but has ten episodes out there.

Also I found the female version of one of my favorite bands; The National. They, or she, is called Florence and the Machine. I'm sure most of you have heard of them because of their commercial success, but if not listen to them.

Monday, December 28, 2009

I'm back

I am back in the city that I have truly grown to love. I saw my hometown, but it was completely different. It seems that everything that I hated about that town expanded. Its kitsch, all of it. They know they live in a small town so they play on that. It was a long week, but only due to the travel issues. Layovers in Vegas are a good idea, in theory.

As of now I haven't slept for thirty-four and a half hours. It will probably be another hour before I fall asleep. I look forward to sleeping n my own bed, it has been the only one I have ever chose and purchased. I look forward to seeing my students again. I look forward to hearing the comments on my beard. It is apparently wild. I think that when people look at me they think I don't care about what I look like, but it is the complete opposite. A person with a beard like mine shouldn't be grooming it with anything other than their fingers, which is a rule I have broken.

Also, it's nice to be able to walk for thirty minutes without the thought of death ever crossing my mind. Montana winters validate your mortality. Only three more days left in the year, make them count.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Heading home

I must be crazy because I am leaving this wonderful 5o degree wather to go to a place with subfreezing tempretures. But I have friends and family there, so it will all work out. I had a quiet day with myself. I did some christmas shopping, watched the Fisher King, interesting. I thought that there really wasn't anything that centered around homeless people. I was wrong. I still want to write a play about it. And since it was let known that this city has one of the worst homeless populations, now is the right time. It's not that the homeless people are bad, it is just that there are a lot of them. Maybe too many to help.

I had energy today, that might have been because I woke up at 8:00. Yes in the a.m. I can't believe it. I haven't arisen that early unless it was for work or an early plane ride, for years. But we do surprise ourselves. But do we ever startle ourselves?

Friday, December 18, 2009

It has happened.

I bash Christmas, well, maybe just the Americans interpretation of it. Then I decide that I am actually looking forward to it. I think It has been a good few couple of weeks. Most people were nice and I am enjoying my friends more and more. (Wow that sounded terrible.) I mean that i am spending more time with my friends. Most people are going away so they sneak in that last bit o' Dustin and I get to see them as well.

Man, this city is incredible.

My stomach, and stomachs in general, have too many nerves to not possess a processing unit of some sort, like the brain.

I can't stop thinking about the great things that have happening to me this year, and good god what will happen next year?

Will be happy to see the Monatannittes.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


is the last day at our center. New year new school, this is a little exciting. I am also going to be taking a trip to Montana. That should be fun. Unfortunately, it will only be for a few days. Oh well. The end of the year is turning out to be bittersweet.

Had some bomb Chinese food, and am starting to think that my deodorant isn't working too well. Can you become immune to it? Wait those two things aren't related, unless somehow the Chinese food made me smell. I don't think that was the case but all of you in Internetland can't smell me. Could I be sweating Mu Shu? I'll let you think about that.

Enjoy the last two weeks of 2009!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My dream job

consists of having someone rich who doesn't like surprises. He/she would have the exact same interests as I and want someone to do the things they are going to do. For example. If they are planning on eating at a new restaurant, I would eat there first and let them know if the food, service, atmosphere, etc was good enough for them. Or it could be a movie they wanted to see, I would see it first and tell them if it was good. Then hopefully it would lead to things such as vacations in Bali or concerts at Madison Square Garden. I would be able to live their life first and then tell them if it is worth it. I have the personality that even if I went to a place and would not recommend it, I would still log it as an experience. Much like I do when there is a crazy person talking to me while I am waiting for the bus.

I know that this job exists I just need to meet the people who need this done. If that can be arranged then please give me a call at...

Sunday, December 13, 2009


This is my fortieth blog. Forty is my favorite number. Out of ten four is my favorite number. It's strange to say this to a Japanese or Korean and maybe even Chinese person. In their culture four is a very bad number. It means death. Much like we don't have thirteenth floors here, they won't have fourth floors. This made me like the number even more.

Today was a domestic day. I did my laundry, even my sheets. I made some kick ass ribs, (the secret: brown sugar and Tapatio.) then for the third Sunday in a row I saw a movie, but this time without George Clooney. I watched INVICTUS. I had the chance to go with my S. African friend and his mates, so it was extra special. I question the timing of this movie. For those of you who don't know anything about it, it takes place around the 1995 S. African Rugby World Cup. Next year the FIFA World Cup will be held there. Interesting.

Freeman as Mandela, great. Having Clint Eastwood put two of his sons, one as a rugby player, no problem, one in charge of the music, big problem. It was distracting from an otherwise inspiring movie. It made me want to watch and maybe even play some rugby. I don't really see the latter happening, but if Matt Damon could do it...

2nd Office party

Tonight was a going away/christmas party. There was a good vibe all around. I have to say that I have gotten very lucky with my co-workers. I feel at this stage in my life I could be in a job with people who bore me. No one at work bores me. We may bitch and moan but that will happen with any job. When I go to work, I am surrounded by rich personalities. Also, I am surrounded by people from other countries. I like my job, not because of the work I do but rather the people I do it with/for.

Next week will be quite a change, a new schedule, possibly a different level, afternoons off, and oh yes, a smaller paycheck. Even though I don't get a long vacation, or paid for my vacation it fits me. I take one week off and have the chance to go home for that. If not then I will be able to do only what I want to do. I forget sometimes, that I have a choice, and that is dangerous.

Lately I have been choosing to do things I wouldn't normally do. Sometimes I am more extroverted and sometimes more introverted. That might be what makes you an adult. Deciding that you are only going to do what you want to do, well, at least, most of the time. (too many commas?)

Music is good, food is good, friends are good, life is good.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A short one

I am very tired as you can see by the time of this post. I had a long day. I felt terrible when I woke up. I was tired, had a headache, and was surprised because I got plenty of sleep today. I said goodbye to some students I will truly miss, taught class which consisted of grading tests, went to a pretty good office party, went to a hookah bar, danced on stage then, then made it home to see strangers on my stoop. They were fine, just smoking. All in all it was a bittersweet day. Thank for listening, goodnight.


Thursday, December 10, 2009


Tomorrow is the last day before the Christmas break. This means it will be the last day for some teachers in the place we have called home for quite some time. Also it is the last time we will only be us. We are merging with more teachers. Our core will be changed. I think this is a good thing and am looking forward to it. New people are always good. It is also the last day for some beloved students. Unfortunately, over the past few months I was unable to be their teacher. This meant some distance was put between us. It's a good thing because then it won't be as hard to see them go, but things will change. They will be missed.

In less than a month it will be a new year. Two-thousand and ten hopes to be a promising year. One tenth of a century will have finished. Also I have almost been an adult for ten years. And I fear that I will almost be an adult for much longer. Ah, I don't fear it, I enjoy it. Youth has not been wasted on me.

Transitions are fun for me. I think I can find the better in what is coming rather than what is. It might be a fault, but I choose not to see it that way, and who knows I might change. (See, that's a perfect example.) Well, 2009, I will miss you. You have been good to me. I will never see you again but that is the way it has to be. So I will start saying my goodbyes now. You were always there, a faithful friend who always let me know where I was. Take care. I will think about you often. You have been one of the greatest years of my life. New friends, lovers, ideas, burdens, trials, successes, have come into my life because of you. Thank you.

Yes you can talk to years.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Payday Part ll

So I got paid today, went to the doctor's office, missed no work and went shopping. At the doctor's they said that I had some tendinitis in my shoulder and that I just have to take it easy and it should go away. They are unsure about what's wrong with my stomach. I have another appointment at a different place next week. And they took some blood, and gave me a Rice Krispie's treat. Fair trade in my assessment, it was double chocolate.

It has been cold today and since I have shaved my head it has felt ten times colder. After work I decided to find a hat. It sounds simple. But damn it took me three hours, but I did manage to get three Christmas presents and also a hat. I was probably swindled by some sweet talking ladies in the mall but they were friendly and frankly it was nice to talk to strangers. I don't do that enough. Usually I'm just talking to the crazy guy at the bus stop and making sure that he gets to tell me all about how God has put him on the path he was on.

Now that I realize it, I don't have that much more shopping to do. It's not that I don't want to give. That's all fine and good. I just don't want to do it with all the other people. They don't look or care where they are going. They all have more money than me, and waste it. That reminds me of a fantastic target ad that I think will work very negativly and that makes me smile. It's the one where the guy turns on the lights and a man and a dog are walking by. The dog growls and starts barking and the man says that the dog doesn't like people flaunting their wealth. The guy with the house was like, "But I'm not rich." You hope for moments like these. They are actually saying that a necessity in life is to make sure that your house is covered in christmas lights. That must make the people who can't even afford to eat feel like shit. He's poor and still has lights. But my belly is rumbling. Hmm, Lights or food? Tough choice. And yes I am fully aware that I am a hypocrite, but so are doctor's and we still admire them. So in a way you should admire me.


So it has been a rough week. I ran out of money last week and have been scraping by on pasta and rockstars. There may have been bounced checks, and there were some clothes sold. Even though I never would choose to do this, it happens and it happens and it happens. But tomorrow is pay day and I will make the same promise that I always make, to be better with money. Oh well, I made it. I think I have lost some weight due to this. Don' t worry parents I am eating enough. Most people have a catalog of what they want to buy in their minds. I have a catalog too, rather I have a catalog of things that I shouldn't have bought. Things like a thirty dollar hat I have worn and will only wear once. Since I don't have anyone else to think about, I don't feel that bad that I wasn't able or haven't been able to save any money. This city is expensive, they don't pay me enough, wah wah wah. I'm not dead but I hope that isn't what it will take for me to wizen up.

Luckily, I am not going to talk about this any more. I am going to go to sleep, wake refreshed and paid, and head to the doctor's office. There they will look at my shoulder and tell me to put some ice on it, give me pills, pat me on the ass and tell me to get back in the game. To most people this may sound patronizing, but I would much rather have that than have them poke or prod me and then tell me I am going to die, but secretly, they are told by the government to kill me because as it turns out I am the perfect human being, the one who will bring a revolution and teach the world how to be friends while making enemies, who, subsequently are the most powerful people in the world before they realize my secret and try to destroy my all the while telling me that I have a cancer that never existed only to protect them from a future that they were warned about by a time traveling robot, reprogrammed by the aliens who tried to take over our planet with the help of the government but were stopped by the resistance that I led.

Remember your imagination? Aren't those fun?

Monday, December 7, 2009

Up in the Air

I saw this movie tonight with friends. Liked it. Clooney was good. The writing good, all in all a good movie. I will recommend this if you aren't looking for anything to knock your socks off but rather to unwittingly provoke thoughts. Moving on.

Even though it shows none of the hells we all associate with traveling, if you are doing it consistently, the redundancies wear on you. However much we think that we want to be jet setters and travel, see and do things, here or there, we forget how much we should have to spend in the airports. Most people don't have the rewards cards, get to sit in first class, or fuck stewardesses wherever we go, as the movies would suggest. But I still had that itch. I haven't flown that much but I do see it as a challenge. All those mundane things we do, check in, security, I make those into a game. A race to see how much faster I can get through the security check out as opposed to the person and the metal gate next to me. While I am doing that I try for style points. I don't ever want to hop around on one leg while I fumble to get my shoes off. Slips-ons at the airport. I try to show people that traveling is not as hard as you think. Just take less shit. Then when all that nastiness is finished I can head to the waiting area and start a brand new novel. I read there, I read on the plane, I read while making a connection, I read on the second flight (since most of the time I never seem to get non-stop flights) and then I read when I am waiting to be picked up. I try to finish the whole novel in one day. Then there is a huge sense of accomplishment. Think about the last time you finished a book. How long did it take you? In airports you have nothing but your carry on and free time.

The other chore is finding where it is permitted to smoke. That's why I choose Salt Lake. It has smoking rooms that you don't need to go back and forth security checks to enjoy. I have had long layovers and it is worth it to grab two cigarettes and then head back in through security. But I never want to miss a connection because the urge for nicotine was too strong. That shows way too much lack of control.

Don't eat in airports. The food is way over priced and it will make you use the bathroom in very uncomfortable places. Just think about how many strangers are doing the same thing you are. You might see that place again but you might not and there are millions of you. People do not treat airports with respect. Keep that in mind and maybe you will for a change.

There, those are my flying tips.

Sunday, December 6, 2009


I had a fun night out with friends. I will have to thank Mike for dragging my ass out tonight. Even though in the end I was the thirteenth wheel, I still had a good time. I'm glad that Mike and Kim have such a big group of friends, well I guess some of them were mine as well. Karaoke is one thing I never thought I would have liked. That was until I went to Japan and found a different style. Although, singing is strenuous. It has never been my strong suit. Polyester, that's a different story.

I was the youngest in the group tonight and I saw those couples, all who have or will be settling down soon and my emotions are split. I don't see myself doing that anytime soon. Where I am right now, I think that's the best thing for me. I plan to move soon, and couldn't hold a long distance relationship.

But on the other hand I saw how happy and comfortable they all were with each other. I might have had that, but never really with the idea of it going on forever. It is getting harder and harder for me to understand that connection. The faith they have in each other, at least from my point of view, is awe inspiring. I'm not talking about fidelity, I mean in each other's character. They support each other, mainly because they know their flaws, insecurities, strengths and compassion. I think it would be incredibly difficult for me to find that trust and provide the trustworthiness needed to reach that peak.

I hate to say this, but Olivia really fucked me up. Damn

Saturday, December 5, 2009

I don't remember San Francisco being this cold.

It may be because I have shaved my head but it feels bitter bitter cold. True, it is nothing like Montana and it might be the apartment I reside in but still it shivers me. Luckily, I have spent the last few hours looking for jobs in Spain. This means that soon I will be spending my time in a warmer climate, I am thinking about Barcelona. I think back to when I went to Spain for a class trip. It could have been Siberia but I feel in love with that country. Now I am older, wiser, can speak more Spanish and have the experience to go back. However, there is a hitch. It seems that I may need to get my TEFL certificate if I want a chance at all to teach over there. I have experience but they want to see that I have studied it, even if it is only for four weeks.

That brings me back to Japan. I am more than qualified to teach there. But they have cold winters as well, and I have been there. I was short changed and all but forced to leave. I feel there is a piece I left there, a piece I didn't even know I had. If I do go there I would be delaying the inevitable, and that would be the need to return to Spain, and I will need a TEFL course. Japan will be there after Europe. But I don't know how long that will be. Poor me, a wide open and worthy future, frown.

Even though it is cold as hell (ironic phrase), my shaved head does feel nice to touch. Enjoy the world. It's my gift to you.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I have very skinny fingers.

Once a girlfriend of mine said that she liked the way her fingers looked, she said that they were getting skinny. I told her that or fingers don't change size. Once we have finished growing our fingers don't change. I now know this not to be true. I can see things that I have never seen in my hands before. Over the past few months I have been dropping weight. I like this, since it's hard for me to want to exercise, I wheeze. My mother used to count my ribs when I was growing up. I liked that I have always liked that fact.

The world is full of beautiful people, I just have never thought of myself as one of them. My parents say so, but they are blood, so, disqualified. It's hard for me to think that there or have been women out there who lust after me. I am even considering ex-girlfriends. I thought for the longest time that I had an amazing personality and that got me laid. So I guess the realization of being attractive is a let down. I value my personality but now, if people don't see that then I feel unworthy.

I am sorry about the last two entries, they have been a little self-serving. I will be more humble later but fuck it, while we are on the subject, what else is great about me? The fact that I'm not perfect.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


People think I'm funny. I think I'm funny. But it's hard to say. People laugh when I make jokes. Does that mean I am funny? Humor is not overrated. I don't really feel blue that often but it does happen and I love the people who can make me laugh and I hope that I can do that for some people.

I watched a movie that involved stand up comedians. I have thought about trying that. I've done it once before. I didn't have the confidence. My whole bit, as it's called, revolved around the Passion of the Christ. That movie had come out or was coming out around that time. My bit was about how weird it would be if Jesus were alive now. I had a joke about going to prom and Jesus' first time with a girl. And he would be good, you know because he's Jesus. But that would only work against him because she would be screaming his father's name and that might be a little unnerving. She would just be shouting out "Oh god, fuck me, fuck me. Oh God yes." If anything could disturb his flow, that would be it.

Also he would have to be an accountant for the mafia. This all tied in with the stereotype of Jews being good with money and The Mafia being Italians. Then it wouldn't be a cross it would be a gun. They would have pistols or shotguns around their necks.

That was about as far as I got with it. I think the comedy that is out now deals a lot with sex and homosexuality. I know in certain ways that could be funny, but I think I would get in my head too much and think about stuff that I think is funny rather than what other people think. I guess this is just one of my dreams that probably won't see the light of day but who knows, maybe I can be funny and maybe I'll kill on stage. Luckily I haven't had people tell me that I should do stand up. I wouldn't want that stigma following me around.

I just want the stigma that I am a nice guy follow me around. But then that wouldn't be a stigma now would it?
Good night, I'm going to bed now. I have an earlier class tomorrow. I feel as though I will be able to sleep relatively easily. I like that feeling. I do lack the confidence one needs to get a good night's sleep. But it's not all bad. I have lived longer than the average person my age.

" Sniff, sniff?"

"That's the music."

Monday, November 30, 2009


For some reason I have always liked getting a glass of water from the bathroom sink. I guess in the home I grew up in my bedroom was closer but it always seemed that the water was fresher, I feel that way in my apartment now. I don't know if this sets me apart in any way, but to me, it feels unique.

I had a conversation with my father about why I wanted to travel. We pondered for a while. Neither was trying to talk me out of it. Some people are happy with living where they grew up, maybe never leaving. Then people leave once and have found what they are looking for. I guess I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe an experience that is challenging. Maybe I am looking for my utopia. Maybe it is just the simple fact that I will see something I hadn't. Some people may think that I am trying to escape, but really I would be running away from great things and great people. I love this city and do cherish the fact that there is still so much to see.

Basically there are two places that I am thinking of. Japan, or Europe. I have this neat little tool that I am perfecting even though I know it can never be perfect. That tool is my ability to teach English. I'm not saying that I am the best but I have over two years of experience, aside from breathing and smoking, I don't really have any experiences that rival this progression of my career. I did live for a year in Japan, but I had to leave not feeling satisfied. The company I worked for went under and I was left without a job. I barely saw any of the country and definitely didn't take advantage of the proximity of other cultures.

I have been to Europe as well. I went in high school for ten days, I was in Paris and Madrid. I saw a few things but was still an outsider. I never got immersed in the culture. I think that would be very difficult to do in ten days. I would love to go back to Spain, I can speak Spanish better than I can speak Japanese. These two places are very different but also very similar. They are equal in that they are outside of where I am now. I think they would both satisfy my wander lust, at least for a little while. But what happens when I run out of real estate in the world?


Sunday, November 29, 2009

I went for a jog today.

I like Sundays, I have a ritual. It is usually all day by myself. Sometimes I do go over for dinner at people's houses but during the day I don't talk to anyone or really go anywhere. I didn't receive a text nor a phone call all day. I wrote a little today, that is another part of my ritual. It has become very important to me. Unfortunately laundry got in the way and my creativity was interrupted. Now I'm sitting here after trying to shave my head.

I think it's time I invest in a proper grooming kit. My beard trimmer doesn't really cut it for the thick forest that is my head. It seems I get about halfway through and the juice runs out. On an unrelated note, when did juice become synonymous with electricity? Wouldn't juice ruin the precision of the electrical current? Think of a nice sticky apple juice as a conduit.

So anyway, I am sitting here looking like I was just tossed into the loony bin with patches of hair winking at the world as I have resigned myself to the fact I will have to wake up a little early and shave my head, that doesn't sound like a pleasant awakening. On the other hand it is kind of fun to have gone out in public like this. Then again maybe that's why those two girls I smiled at on Divis didn't really smile back. Things do make sense sometimes.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

A long weekend

I had my sister and my mother in town for about four days. They got to see the city and I got to see them. We had a lovely thanksgiving with Angie and her family. I have to say that I enjoyed playing tour guide, but only for a little bit. I was surprised by how much I knew about this city that I have called home for one year, seven months, nineteen days and some odd hours, with some odd minutes.

It was good to see my family, and to let them understand my surroundings. Sure, they probably won't move here, ever but at least they might know what or who I am talking about. It was too bad that no one could come visit me while I was in Japan. But maybe it was for the better. Maybe I can keep that experience all for myslef. I can let it be a mystery. In Montana it is impressive to tell people I have lived in Japan. Here most of the people I know have been there or are planning to go or have been to somehwere remote as well, so it's not as much of a surprise when I tell them.

To be honest I went to Japan for myself and that help me realize that I like doing things for myself. It made me want to do more things that I alone will appreciate. I have never really been swayed by what others want for me. I got a degree in writing, no matter how accepting, and my parents are, they still know that there isn't a lot you can do with that except write or teach as I am doing now. My family has supported it and gave me the freedom to nurture it even if they don't agree with it, understand it or particularly like it.

So, I'm happy thanksgiving is over and can't wait until January 2nd. The holiday season will be over and I will keep the optimism alive for the year to come. This time next year, I will be in a different country.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


I sleep too late on the weekends, don't drink when I should, eat too little, smile at the wrong person then decide that they deserved a smile anyway, use aluminum foil, don't smile when I should, smell bad, smell good, eat raw things, smell strangers when they aren't noticing, smoke too much, eat bread and find it to taste like heaven, trust too many people, participate in sports, flirt too much, sustain under-confidence, lack the patience, willpower or motivation to write my blog, write stories, dream about sailing, anticipate the past, let my thumb nails grow too long, at least for my standards, listen to hip-hop and rock in alternation, dream about saving someone's life, envision myslef as a failure, misspell "myself," look at my hands like they don't exist or are not mine, pine for being on a stage, think how silly actors and musicians are, am grateful I don't have children, want children, want less, wonder what it would be like to live a hundred years ago, burn oven-mits, write one sentence that takes a long time to read.

Monday, November 23, 2009

So much time so little to do

For the most part I don't like holidays that much. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving. I have family coming into town and they haven't seen where I live so this will be good for them. I expect a nice relaxing four days. I might even get to see something in this city that I haven't seen before.
I have been having this pit in my stomach show up every day for weeks, maybe even months. It seems that my intestinal problems started in Japan. I don't think it was the food, because I never really ate anything strange. It went away when I came back to the states but here it is again. It seems that every night I'm riding the bus home in agony. Have any of you had similar problems? It was suggested to me that I may have some vitamin deficiency, but I think only a blood test can tell me that. I may have low cholesterol again, but then again you need a blood test for that. I just need to find a young doctor to become friends with. Most of my friends are English teachers and although they are great for cracking jokes and stimulating conversation, they can't really offer medical advice.

Who knows maybe I have a tape worm. Maybe it's some sort of karmic retribution, but I feel that I'm a pretty decent fellow, I don't squash bugs, I give money and cigarettes to homeless people. But I don't treat, and haven't treated everyone the kindest. Sure the smiling blond who will pick up lunch for you or listen to your problems does have demons too. Though they aren't that scary they still haunt me like smaller gremlins. But then again, maybe this chronic pang in my stomach is a tiny little cosmic, karmic worm eating the inner lining of my stomach and oozing out regret, while growing bigger and bigger. Nighty-night.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Just to let you all know

If I become deathly ill it is because I have eaten strawberries, yes I do eat fruit, that may have been infected with mold. I didn't see the moldy one until I had eaten about seven or eight of them.

I just finished organizing my music collection, well for the most part. I was a little underwhelmed by the size I had. I thought I had a lot of music and I do, but the thing is I want more. I know how to get it. It's just that there is so much. I might need to scale it down. It is my biggest collection of anything I own. It is unstoppable. I am talking about the craving. I want to know the newest and latest music. However, even if it is hugely popular and I don't like it, I will keep it but won't listen to it. Vampire Weekend, they come to mind as being hugely overrated. They were hailed as the next great band but that was almost two years ago. Where have they been lately? This is just an example.

I like music. I love music. My dream job involves me getting paid to listen and write about music. I have applied to SPIN and URB magazine with no reply. This comes when unfortunately the magazine is going the way of the locomotive. We still have them but they are not glamorous and not the first choice for most. I still like trains.

To everyone out there, I am always open to new music, but you will have to earn my trust. I have to know that you are also into finding new music. Please don't tell me about Nickelback or Lady Gaga. Some have called me a music snob, and, actually I take that as a compliment. But if you think I am the worst one out there you are wrong. I am just on the cusp of the underground. I know a few things but I also know there is so much I don't know. I will always be a slave to music. I take pride in this. Music, the idea of it, is universal. Sure people have different tastes for the most part I will give leeway but I might also tell you about some different band that does what you like but better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I miss my record collection, the way I miss my books and Cheers, and M*A*S*H*. (Is the correct way to punctuate after a star? I'm not sure if that is in the Chicago Manuel of Style.)

Pain & Comics

This year has been a wonderful year. I feel that in the past nine months or so have been so beneficial allowing me to grow. I have gotten to experience many things and met amazing people. 2009 didn't start out very well. I was in a relationship I didn't want to be in. I closed myself off. I didn't experience much. During that time there was a lot of emotional pain. But that changed and I was able to breath freely and enjoy more.

I have had a few injuries and other things that have plagued me. Let's see, I had chronic migraines for over six weeks I think. I severely twisted my ankle, experienced chronic back pain. I jammed my thumb black and blue. I think I may have thrown my shoulder out. I will have to see a doctor about that soon. I had a cavity filled.

I know that none of these things were life threatening and am thankful for that. I have always been one who can take things in stride and not focus on them for too long or let them distract me. But I do wonder if I hadn't had such an amazing year would I have been able to deal with them with the nonchalance that I have been?

Pain means change. You need to adjust something to make it go away. You might have to start doing things differently, or you might have to stop doing things that maybe you love. So far what I have had to sacrifice has been minimum. It just has made me stop and think about what I can achieve if what I am doing is what I want to be doing. I alone have the power to make myself happy. Most people realize this at some point in their life but they also forget it as well. The trick is to remember to say it to yourself every once in awhile.

Last night I went to a birthday party. It was fun, the people were friendly the drinks were poured and the apartment had a great view of the city. I enjoyed myself and stayed there a lot longer than I thought I would. So even though I wasn't home to write rest assured that I was having a good time. I didn't make it home until around five in the morning. I don't think I made it to bed until six. I woke up at two today and bought some comics.

Shopping for comics is an interesting experience. I felt under a lot of pressure. It's an interesting dynamic. I don't want to seem like I don't know what I'm doing. Some people who buy comics are very intense about the whole thing. They are the kings of alternate universes. I loved comics when I was a kid. My mother even banned me from having them at some point. I'm not sure if it was because of the violent and sexual content or because they were a distraction to me. But aha, now I'm a grown man who can't have his comics taken away. On another note I'm not sure If I should be bragging about this.

This is a call to all of you who think they might be too old for comics. If you have ever loved them then go in and by an issue of what your favorite comic. They are still cheap and you will be amazed by the progression of the art, the depth of the story and how much you remember. It's like a charge to the past. You'll be glad you did it.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I have a Fauxhawk now.

My watch has started slowing down. It isn't that noticeable, but when I wake up in the morning it is three or four hours behind. Now if I didn't know that time wasn't real I would probably be a little worried that I was slowing down. Or feeling some enormous pressure to complete something very important for the universe. So important that the universe has given me extra time. If this is a hint then I am missing it completely. The world is full of clocks and mirrors. That was the best thing I have ever heard come out of Danny Devito's mouth. (The Big Kahuna). Watches stop, and slow down, but that doesn't matter because they are tracking something invisible.

Time is important. I feel that I have had this strange connection with time. Like I was in on its secret. I used to amaze my friends by telling them the time of day, no matter the situation, within five minutes either way. It might be the closest thing I have to a sixth sense. As of late I haven't been doing that. Maybe I have gotten careless, or even worse lazy. But it was never something that I had to condition for. It's not like I am trying to break world records.

I try to be on time. But I have never been too worried if I would make it there at the exact minute I am supposed to. I do like it when I can count down the seconds and then knock on the door of the person's house I was to visit. On the same side of the coin, I don't get mad when people are late, even by hours. I let people live their lives for the most part. However, the one thing I do think about is if that person is in danger. Luckily that hasn't happened.

Time doesn't exist yet it stresses so many people out. They watch clocks. I say you should pocket watches and let yourself feel the time. If it exists it will make itself known and then your worries will be absolved. Sure this may take some time but it will come and if time passes you by then that is what was meant to happen. Watch the sun, and look at the stars. Not only are they magnificent forces or wonders to behold and examined. They will also tell you what time it is. But they do it in whisper and song.


name is Dustin. I am from Montana. This seems to surprise people. I guess I never knew how removed my state was from the rest of the country. My friend Max gave me great advice when I first moved here. He said that I should just embrace it. It's an anomaly that people appreciate and ask questions about. So far I think I have embraced it and let people ask questions, use it as an excuse, and prove them wrong. Growing up, I have heard stereotypes about people from California. So I know what it's like. I still haven't met another person from Montana. Most people don't even know where Montana is. I have been asked if that was in Canada. Also, I have been asked why I didn't have a Southern accent.

Although, I have been wondering if I have an accent. I can tell that other people have an accent, for the most part. This is because more than several people have asked where I was from and when I reply, "Montana," they were surprised that I was from the U.S. Well, I have gotten that before. But that wasn't because of my accent. They were surprised because I wasn't fat, students and other teachers alike.

I am not too worried about this. The past three years I have gotten very comfortable with myself. My faults, my achievements, past, present. So when these situations arise I am not so self-conscious. I'm glad that this makes me stand out. It makes me friendlier, charming, and sometimes a little strange. Strange, sure you can call me that, ignorant, however, is another story. We read the same things you do, watch the same shows, experience diversity, and we also know how to get our hands dirty.

Oh, and not everyone knows how to ride a horse, shoot a gun, skin a deer, ice skate, herd cattle, drive in the snow, fly fish, ski, or line dance.

I'm not mad or anything I just want you all to know that, despite that fact I smile and laugh, I am proud of where I came from. I do miss it. I am starting to understand why I grew up there. It was so that I could amaze people upon conversation. That I could stand out. That I wouldn't forget where I came from and can take that with me wherever I go. I can also change peoples stereotypes along the way. I am sure up there in Big Sky country there is the guy they think all Montanans are. I know I'm not him. Whether they're Japanese, Californian, French, Spanish or Martians, people's ideas will altered. And that sounds like a challenge to me, I am starting to like those. Not the usual kind, but those that I would have not gotten to if I hadn't faced previous challenges. Hitch your wagons. (We all know how to do that!)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Super powers

If you know me then you probably have had a conversation about super powers with me. I watched a movie called Special. If you haven't seen it I strongly suggest it. Michael Rappaport did an amazing job. The idea is that he takes pills that give him super powers.

There possibly could be a personality test one question with an explanation. Maybe I'll develop it. If you could have one super power what would it be? I have thought about this many times, but still don't have an answer. Sure I would love to fly, or walk through walls but I feel that there is something even greater than that. Maybe this is a way to make this blog more interactive. (Even though I use all this technology I kind of hate it. I miss my typewriter and my record player.) If all seven of you (my followers) would be so kind and answer the question above I would love to see it.

I do think about this more than the average human. I was raised on comics and still have a small collection. I love superhero movies, except for spider-man, they really fell off on those. I watch Heroes. Don't get me wrong I do cherish my life and understand that if there were to be change it would have to come from me for me and not from a super power. But I do want to be a superhero.

Then again maybe I just want to be a hero. I think of these situations where something would happen and maybe how I could stop it. Of course nothing ever happens and I continue down the block or stay seated in my chair. I don't know the future but I am pretty sure that these scenarios are better left in my head before something terrible actually happens.

Maybe I should just write comics, does anyone know how to draw?

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Tears for Eric (a fictional character)

I just cried. I wrote this story about a man's death. After his death and three thousand words I realized that I was really invested in the character. This is the first time this has happened to me. Normally I can separate my emotions form what I'm writing. I might have been because I could so easy place where this happened. It was easy because it was right next door. I have sat right next to it smoking many times.

Honestly, I can't remember the last time I cried. This time, even, the tears weren't rushing out of me. It was a whimper. It was not a conscious decision but usually that is never the case. When I think about it know this true expression of emotions seems strange to me. You leak liquid, your breathing changes dramatically.

I don't know why I decided to share this with you but i didn't write here yesterday and since most of you who read this do so to see my state of mind I thought i would give you a gem. I am not grief stricken, it was just something that grabbed hold of me and I determined not to fight. It wasn't rewarding like when you cry a worthy cry and when you are finished you know something has changed. This was just a shock to me. I feel like more of an artist. Even if this story is never read by anyone else I know it has deeply touched one person.

Viva la ars!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Fridays smell good

Friday is a magical word in the English language that means almost done. I think we should start a movement to give another definition to this word. When we are cooking a turkey(topical) and there are about ten minutes left we can say it's Friday.
Tom: How's the turkey coming?
Sue: It's Friday. Only about ten more minutes.

But by no means will Saturday mean that it has in fact finished. After working two different English teaching jobs my understanding, appreciation and frustration for English have all gone up. I am still infatuated with the language. I can safely say, after having micro scoped it, that my understanding is higher than average. This affords me the leverage to make Friday an adjective.

In other words I had a revelation. Fridays are very important. Thursday night feels like a dream. I sleep better on Thursday nights. I wake up more refreshed, the sun is brighter and the voices happier. The world is a better place. But, again, by no means will we make all days Fridays. that's like making everyone a millionaire. It wouldn't mean as much. Enjoy your weekend and congrats Dave.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

a poem

The seeds have been sewn
The lights have been shown
I stay away from palindromes
It's a new day for metronomes
We ease from this earth
Find our self worth
The moments that are lost
Melt away like the frost
It turns into dew
And I bid you adieu

Sorry to all the metrophobes who may have shrunk away from this. I just felt inspired. I remember the Chinese poetry class I took in college. Their jobs were to sit under tress and write poetry. They would laugh and drink wine, take naps and breathe language. I have often wondered what the equivalent is in these times we live in. Perhaps that is a tradition that was done in by people who could never dream. The envy was too much so they stopped squashing the grapes and cut down the trees. No more dreams they screamed and burned the paper reams. See, sometimes it's infectious like a curious disease. Is it still a disease if it makes your life better?

Sucker Free City

I just watched Sucker Free City, I'm on a Spike Lee kick. It was a good movie but what I liked was that I had been to some of the places in the movie. The basketball court he goes to borrow money, not where they argue about bootlegging or where the drive by happened, I've played ball there. That's all I have to say about that.

I felt good today, even though I had to race around to find somewhere to piss. I felt one with this city, for a while I had felt like an outsider. I think I have accepted it as my home. I have been here a year and a half but still felt like a visitor. What I like so much about this city is that fact that it is so condensed. If you walk for ten minutes, unless your in the Richmond or the Mission, then you are in a completely different part of town. And the characters are abundant. The city is full of people, not because it's so big but because it's so small.

This realization is kind of bittersweet for me. I am starting to fit in this city yet the urge to leave has been becoming much stronger. If I did leave it would be somewhere utterly different. I mean another country. I feel young and brave and I don't want to waste that. I may not be that healthy physically, but my mind is a world class athlete. I'm ready to create and starve. Not from hunger from food but from hunger of the soul. I want to be misunderstood and confused. When I went to Japan before I had no idea what lied ahead. Now I know and can embrace it, let it flourish while I contemplate. From what I know about myself is, it might take some time but I will understand.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

One of these days...

I will get hit in the face. I will show up to a party and there will someone there who will become a great friend of mine and someone who will become an enemy. I will paint a twelve foot mural. I will walk for at least a mile barefoot. I will judge some sort of beauty contest. I will design my own pair of sneakers. I will go back to Japan. I will set a body part on fire. I will travel in a hot air balloon. I will teach a class of over 250 students. I will hear my voice on the radio once more. I will eat nothing but fruit for a week. I will cry tears of joy. I will change someone's mind about how they view the world. I will tell someone a lie thinking that it is absolutely true. I will lose all the money I have at that time. I will kiss a blind woman. I will remember someone's name who was convinced I had forgotten all about them. I will learn how to type. I will inadvertently reveal that Santa Claus doesn't exist to a child who still believes. I will be caught in a flood. I will learn a magic trick. I will be hired for a job purely on the fact that they feel then can trust me rather than having all the necessary skills. I will need to wear glasses on a daily basis. I will sing a rock opera in my underwear. I will be completely sober when I do all of these things.

Monday, November 9, 2009

In slippers and a sweatshirt

I think I have found out what this ball of energy stored up in me is for. I have wasted too much of the recent months sitting at home watching television. Although I enjoy this, there might even come a chuckle or two. But I am living in this amazing city and am not taking advantage of it. There are things I could be doing. Life is waiting for me.

I roll my eyes a lot this time of year. Fucking Christmas ads. It is November Ninth and as an American consumer I am to be thinking about what I am going to give and get for Christmas. There has to be some way that I can afford all of it. I know I have spent money that I don't have and many people around me have as well. I'm supposed to have a family or beginning one. There have been times when I see those hallmark moments and I think about the day when I have kids, well unfortunately that when has changed to an if. Maybe that is where my frustration lies. I don't see myself fitting into that cookie cutter idea of what I should be doing. Land of the free and the home of the brave? It seems the only brave ones are the ones who decide to be free.

I know that I am not as Kerouac as I would like to be, but I am also not as American as people think I should be. There is an American idea as seen from our television. Buy shit, if you can't afford it, get a credit card. We'll help you with the payments and everyone around you will be happy. I guess I am lucky that I grew up in the household I did. It taught me that there is more to life than what is given to me on Christmas day. My family loves me. I am not thought of as a lesser human being because I am not making 60 grand a year. I'm sure they would like that security for me but they know me better than to think that makes me happy. And you do too.

It's easy for the man who has little say that he doesn't want more, but isn't it easier to say that he does. I don't subscribe to the idea that if only I had this or that then I will be happy. I have what I have and I make due. My mind, my heart and my passions are what make me smile, not my new car, not the new earrings that I can give my girlfriend. (for any future potential mates of mine, disregard me if you think I will ever buy these for you, but I will make you amazing meals, write poetry if you truly touch me and make you feel like a queen even if you don't have a thrown.)

Scoff scoff scoff.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Another day off

I was blessed with two days off in a row, this is nothing new, it's my normal schedule but yesterday felt very long. Today, as I have done for the past two weeks, I sat down and wrote a story. I have a degree in writing, but it has been only over the past two years that I have been writing and that is without any consistency. I am writing and it feels good. Now most of you don't write but there is something that that you know you should be doing but don't. That's this for me.

In college I had assignments to write a short story about once a week. I thought it was impossible to write three thousand words, but now it's taking me only about two hours or so. I never understood those writers who could crank out a novel year after year or even biannually.(Twice a year not every two years) This lifestyle appeals to me. It's just that I haven't had any professional validation of my writing, partly because a few of my stories have been rejected and partly because I haven't submitted that many.

I find it a rare gift where one can step outside of themselves and be truly honest about what they create. I think it goes either way. They favor themselves too much or are too hard on themselves. What you want to be is the latter. That way when something good happens you will still appear modest and more deserving of the accolades. I guess I will just have to start submitting and we'll see where we go from there.

Keep up the good work and carry on

Three followers, nice!

Yesterday I was sick, probably because earlier this week I bragged how I haven't gotten sick all year. However, I feel that it was a twenty-four hour bug. The trick is to do a few simple things. Drink a lot, and I mean a lot, of water. When I got home last night I drank three twenty ounce bottles of water in about 45 minutes. Make sure you blow your nose every time you have to. Sweat while you sleep. All of these things will give a door for your body to kick out the cause of your misery. (It doesn't hurt to get about eleven hours of sleep. Since these bugs seem to happen to me on Fridays after a week I of shitty sleep I can afford to sleep late.)

Enough on that. How are you? Even though I have been fiercely battling a cold, I have had so much energy. Yesterday in the teacher's room I was bouncing off the walls. I wanted to run. Actually, I wanted the exhilaration of my heart beating fast without physical exertion. I felt like I could fly. All I needed was one good jump and I could soar over downtown San Francisco. Alas, I did not go to the sixth floor and jump off, I went into my class and finished the day. I just hope I didn't miss my chance.

Earlier tonight I went for a walk to clear my head. I left around one a.m. I got back and made some tea, but again I am getting that feeling. Not just my hand is shaking, but my soul. I am itching for an explosion. I want to see am magnificent fireball in the distance and run to it to make sure no one is hurt only to get there and see a color I or no other human has ever seen. I want that color to fill my eyes and release tears. I want it to somehow enter my lungs and I would exhale a powerful smoke the engulfs the surrounding area. I want it to grab hold of my body and let me float.

This has been coming for awhile. I have been waiting for something but I don't know what it is. My legs to twitch sometimes, and usually I can't sit still. This is nothing new. However, if you were to ask anyone who knew me they would say that I'm not a nervous person. I think that my whole life I have been waiting for something. The tension has been increasing over the past few months. Also, I would say that I am a patient person, when I know what I'm waiting for. It's the not knowing that is getting to me. Do any of you know?

Friday, November 6, 2009

Four sugar cookies and half a bag of chips later...

As I sat on my stoop to breathe toxic air, I thought about the way I see myself. He wears plaid, has a mustache and people think he is ten years older than his still ripe stage of 26. The bags under my eyes don't help. Now before you begin in on me for my superficiality, I have no body issues.

I do see myself as an old man when I look at my face. I don't feel bad about this, physically. I feel bad about this because I don't know if I deserve to have my face have so much character. It looks leathery, but white, a transparent hue. My wrinkles have not faded even with those special creams. The purple under my eyes smiles at me whenever I try to get some sleep. Maybe that's what it is. I have never really slept well. Could those extra hours have already turned into years? Maybe experience doesn't have to have lived on a boat for two years, or been in a car crash that had flipped three times.

I was awake and alive for more hours in a day than an average human who averages eight hours of sleep per night. Think about it, while asleep the only thing you contribute is the air you give to plants. You may be inspired by dreams but you can't doing anything until those eight hours are up. This thought actually upsets me, because all the time in the past while trying to fall asleep I did nothing. I guess, mainly I expanded my knowledge and indulged in various different art forms. I will make a resolution. From now on I will try to contribute to life instead of tossing and turning.

On another note, I am quite happy with how far I can flick cigarettes.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

The people I saw on the way home.

After leaving Abbott's after a nice dinner and thoughts provoked I walked and rode the bus.

A man approached me. I assumed he was just going the other way and with my headphones on I don't know if he said anything to me. He stopped so I stopped. He asked for a quarter, I gave him three. He said, "Thank you, sir" and I felt sad as I briskly walked away to cross the street.

In front of the firehouse on Webster St. I passed by a normal man who looked at me at the precise moment I was licking my lips, something I rarely do.

On the bus after the driver almost failed to stop for me, I saw a man, a jittery man who was still wearing his sunglasses.

Another jittery woman sat in running attire and I wondered why she was taking the bus when clearly she was out for a jog.

A woman in front of me wore a wonderfully made sweater and I hoped it was homemade but doubted it was.

Three young people got on the bus. The guy was holding an Arnold Palmer iced tea in a container that people question if it is beer or not.

The girls sat across from each other, while laughing and wearing clothes that are only accepted because they are ironic and ironic is cool when you are in you early twenties and dress as if you had just graduated kindergarten. Before their stop one girl hoisted herself up while pulling on the cable to signal the bus to stop. She swung on it like it was the jungle gym. Maybe her clothes weren't the only thing to signal she was missing her youth.

A doppelganger of mine got on the bus and madly swung into his seat as I had only four minutes earlier.

Four boys sat in the back of the bus, skateboards in hand, and I wondered why they weren't skateboarding.

Just before I made it home I saw a woman in a car.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I know

I'm sorry to all of you who didn't get a chance to read my blog yesterday. (I am writing this like people actually read this, don't ruin it. Just let me have this.)

I was thinking about time and space, the universe, the reason we exist and then I realized that somethings burden us rather than enlighten us. I could devote the rest of my life to answer these questions like so many others have, but I have decided not to. Sure it may be because I lack the motivation or the intellect to even begin my search, my quest for brain knowledge, but really it's because I don't want to. We live our lives doing what we want to and doing things we don't want to. What is the percentage difference for you? I think this is how we should examine our lives, not if we are happy, in love, satisfied, but rather if we have chosen to do the things we are doing. Now, I must explain that there is a difference in making ourselves happy and doing what we want to do. I conscientiously know that some things I want to do will cause me pain, suffering, anguish and possibly a complete mental breakdown (I'm thinking about the time I wanted to bring back Disco, and yes I will always capitalize it.) Now granted most of the things we want to do is to bring us happiness.

However, we do things to get us money, increase our knowledge or help someone we care about, or even stranger, to help someone we don't. I have a mission for you. The next time you do something, ask yourself if it was something you wanted to do (remember reasons exceed or differ from happiness.) Then, if you didn't want to do it ask yourself why you did it. If you did want to do it, find the reason. Also remember that "something" has a different definition for everyone. I just did something, and so did you. Now, ask yourself why?

Hi Dave

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Dinner in an empty apartment

Today was productive. In fact the past few weeks have been. I started a routine where I write everyday (here) and then once a week I write a story. It feels good to create. I can't make music or paint, but I like using words in print to sing on canvas. I think that's why America won the cold war.

Stay with me now.

One of my favorite periods in literature is that of the cold war, the sixties. Look at America, we had the beats. In the U.S.S.R. all the writers were stifled, they were exiled. They weren't allowed to flourish, to create, to heaven forbid, destroy. The great writers, Kundera, were not allowed to speak. They were pushed down, shrunk in the private and public eye. When I read those writers the passion of life and death was there. I could see the reflections of their intense eyes on the page. Every word they wrote meant punishment. All the while Hunter S. Thompson is running for Mayor.

Now anyone can write. Look at what you're reading. If you're not reading this then, never mind. Some people might be afraid of over saturation. Most people are smart enough to know what should be read and some think they have no choice. But remember this, you always have a choice in Art. Don't get mad when you find something meant to be artful insults you. Don't mention their name. You give them power. Your thoughts of them create emotions that bring you down when you could create something to make you and your friends smile. That's just how I feel, if you disagree, forget it.

Today was a good day. I cleaned cooked, ate, smoked and drank. All of these things, some of them just necessary, some pleasurable, happened. I would like to thank the people who dressed up today. It was nice to see people around dressing silly, sounding stupid and enjoying themselves.

I feel as if this weekend has been a huge transition, but I don't know what's changing, I don't understand it. And you know what, that's fine. I don't need to understand everything. I hope that is not a defeatist attitude. I moved from Mike's, ran out of pills, and am starting a new relationship. It also seems that Japan will happen again. But what about my dream about being a rockstar? I want that. I want those screaming fans, the energy in the room caused by me, the late nights, the new, fake friends, the empty feeling when it's finished. I just hope I can be a rockstar in Japan. That would combine the two.

I'm sorry, I'm being selfish, what are your goals?

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Haloween Halloween Halloween

Officially it's Halloween. However, my co-workers and the students I teach celebrated it early. It was a wonderful party but I have decided that it's not for me. This is not to say that I didn't have a good time. I think it goes back to the fact that I have never really liked Halloween. Other's might argue about this, but I feel that there is something I'm missing, some charm that hasn't reached me yet or has already passed me by. I want to have fun and dress up, drink and find someone who normally might be quiet and demure, talk to them dance, with them and smile at them. Maybe I'm guarded, or maybe I come into this holiday with low expectations.

What I think is people have a chance to change, to be someone else, a demon, a ghost or inevitably a slutty (insert random female costume here.) I like myself, and I don't want to walk around feeling uncomfortable. I have lived years of my life in discomfort. Whether it be pain, physical, emotional, spiritually or just not knowing who I was, I was there, and Halloween brings all that back, with a much lower level of severity, but the idea is the same.

Maybe my age, heaven forbid, is sneaking up on me. I think Halloween is silly but without the humor. I do love to see wonderful, inventive costumes, and costumes that have had a lot of thought put into them. Emily, Peyton and Peter, Abbott and a multitude of the students looked great. It might be that I haven't indulged myself by finding a creative costume.

New Year's Eve, that's my favorite holiday, no costumes, no presents, no religious meaning behind it. People are happy to be alive. They think about the past year, what they have and haven't done, all while looking into the future, but only what they could do.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

A day at the dentist (sort of)

It has been a while since I'd been to the dentist. I had a huge cavity, huge. There were needles, bright lights, and strange sounds. All in all it was a pretty painless experience. I know why people are afraid but I think if they thought about the crazy procedure happening in their mouths they could sit back and relax, it's not like giving birth. I would like to thank Anjana, and J-Dizzle(That's what I call Justin and it sounds a lot better than Jizzle) for recommending the DDS Duo.
Now it's time to move on from Mike's. I have been house sitting for a few weeks now and it has been bliss. I understand the appeal of living alone, I have always understood it, never really experienced it. This makes me want to get a bigger paycheck. Then again what's life without overcoming challenges, setbacks, and the bullshit of life.
My mouth hurts, I liked it better when it was numb, but at least the hole in my tooth is gone. yeah modern, sterile medicine.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Today I woke up, checked various things on the internet, took a shower, ran and caught the bus, sat, read, bought a rockstar and cigarettes, went to the teachers room, graded essays, tests, went and got a chicken gyro with Angie, ate it, taught current events, had a cigarette, taught my low intermediate about direct and indirect objects, played basketball with students, went to Mike's(thanks for letting me house sit,) ate dinner in my underwear, took a shower, ate some veggies and corn mush with Angie, Abbott, Jared, Jared, Kyle, Laura and Anjana, went to a club to raise funds to build a playground in Nepal, bought a raffle ticket, won the grand prize, planned to give the prize to my mother and sister, had a few drinks, rode in the Westin hotel's elevator, (one of Angie's favorite things to do while downtown,) got a ride home, talked to a beautiful girl on the phone, wrote a paragraph with thirty-three commas and one period.

The Fountainhead

I have read the book, loved it, and now I have seen the movie, hated it. It was made in 1947, the character of Rourk, too old. The acting, terrible. The fountainhead, never showed up. This was written mere seconds after the two hour movie finished and now I hate myself for watching the whole thing.

Didn't sleep last night and now beginning to sound like Rorschach. No subjects in my sentences.

In other words, welcome to the first of a daily blog that, now means nothing to most, something to a few. Enjoy.