Sunday, December 19, 2010

For the most part

I view myself as an open person. However, I am realizing that most of what I do, I mean the day to day rarely gets shared. That's fine. I'm not in a relationship and that's where people open up about what they do. That's because the other are the only ones who care. It's not a strange concept and it doesn't work with all relationships. If you ask me a question I will answer it. I am more open to hearing what others have done. I will add something if I feel it relative. I have always been a talkative person and more and more I am trying to understand what I was actually saying. Growing up, I was always the kid who was sat next to the teacher, just to get him to focus. I wasn't a bad kid, a bad teenager yes, and that is from the perspective of the teachers, most would say that I led a pretty safe teenage life. I didn't have my first kiss until I was fifteen. I smoked, I drank, but I was never malicious. I am not a mean person. I have a hard time understanding the motives of others when they are solely for personal gain. I will never make it in the business world. The status quo of my life is usually fine, unless I find it boring. That's when I grasp the desire to change.

It is unavoidable to not look back at this year, just putting mileage on your life is thought provoking. Sometimes it brings a smile, or a pang of regret. It shows us missed opportunities and hopefully we can see how lucky we are to be counting the remaining seconds. I'm sure in a few weeks I will have more on this. I would be lying if I said that everything was perfect this year. It makes me think of the idea of happiness. When we do achieve it, does it last? I am thinking about the people who always find a fault, think that the there is something better coming up. For those people, like it or not, I believe that is their happiness. I, on the other hand, feel that I am fortunate to be able to recognize these moments in life that no one else will understand. These are the moments you have by yourself, or with someone that, no matter ho hard you tried to explain them, it's not the same. These are the moments I keep silent about. These are my secrets. The fact of the matter is that I don't actually want to share them with others. I have been blessed with the understanding that what other people think only matters when you are trying to change their mind. Sure there could be repercussions, but if it comes to that you can always envelop them into the moment. When those thoughts come into my mind I smile. I throw the proverbial middle finger up and hope they enjoy the show, whatever that might be.

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