I sit

here while it is raining and think about last week when the lightning was striking. I remembered that when I was a kid I don't think I was ever really afraid of it. Even though it looked like it cracked the sky, it always disappeared. I would sit, as I think many do, and listen to the thunder roll over the many hills and mountains that surrounded our town. I could hear it coming and going. When I think about it now, understanding the science of it all, I think of all the mysterious things that are not anymore. Rainbows, animals, human behavior. I think that is what it means to be a grown up, to mature and understand things, that seemed so magical. I guess I am still trying to comprehend what I am going through. The years rolling by and how age determines what we have learned in our lives. Some people have stopped learning. They compromise and they find themselves satiated with what they have. I guess that's okay. Most people have more than others, well at least the people I know. I am rambling, I am trying to put into words the frustration I have, that no benchmarks are clear. Does it hit you and your head clears and you can say to yourself, "Yeah ok, now that that is over, time to move on." Or do you remember something and then there is the realization that in the past few months, years, there was a change and you have been who you are for quite some time? Does it ever come, or are you transported between different periods of humanity all while the clock ticks? Do you get to be a different role player, now I am a child, now I am an adult, now I am responsible, now I can act like a jackass? Now I am wise, but yesterday I was a fool? I just don't get it.