Instead of grading tests,

I am doing this. Today was a long day. I worked my ass off. It's true, it disappeared. I can't find it anymore. I have looked everywhere. Does anyone know how to get an ass back? Anyway, I have been getting overwhelmed recently at work, just too many tests. I have made it through over half of them and even brought them home tonight to work on them. Then I thought, "Wait, you're Dustin, you never do this shit." So I decided instead to break the absence of blogs. There have been some changes at work, people leaving, new people coming in. It feels like most people are on their way out. I might be one of them. But I bet I said this a year ago, and again six months ago. this is coming at a time when I really feel that I have been appreciated for my work, both teaching and general office behavior. So, tonight I will not talk about my future.

In place of that, I will talk about the second eventful week I have had so far and the plans continue. It's basically because I have been working a lot that I have been so busy. Tomorrow is a baseball game. Not sure about Friday, no plans, yet. BBQ on Saturday, and a Sunday dinner on, well you guessed it, Easter. I like it, but stagnation is also fun. It allows me time to be myself. But, you might counter, you are always yourself, aren't you? I don't think you are truly yourself unless you are alone or with someone who you have incorporated into your being, changing your definition of "yourself." I am talking about the thoughts you have and the things you do when no one else is there to comment or judge. The strange movies you watch, the shitty music you listen to, the silly voices you make when you know no one is listening. I talk to myself. And you are lying if you don't do the same thing. Today, I started giving my actions theme music. Hmm, that might be my next short movie thing. Yes, that's it. It will be from my point of view and the music will be done by yours truly. I'm excited now. Life tastes good. You just have take a bite, let the sour pass, and get on to the sweet and spicy and salty. Does salty translate here? I'm not sure about that one, but I just couldn't leave it out. Poor salty would have been all alone. Salty should never be lonely.

An eventful week.

This week I went back to work. It was time. I had my week off and needed some structure. Wednesday I met a lady for a drink. Now, when I say lady I mean someone who is my age. I don't like to say girl, that just doesn't sound right. On the same token I don't like it when women say they are meeting a boy or they like a boy. It makes everything seem immature. They could say guy and that would work just fine. Anyway, I met this lady and we had a great time. Stayed late then at her house. Woke up at 8 and hoofed it home. Slept and went to work. While I slept, back at home, I had some amazing dreams. I'll expound on them later. I wrote most of them down, I just have to finish and paste it here. They were the type of dreams that connected, even though I woke up between them. Unfortunately, I missed the parts of the dreams that let me know how they were connected. Later that night, I went to Karaoke with the students. It was good. The time I spent there made it seem that I was there until three in the morning. But I did make it home around 11:30. That brings us to today. I taught a full day, met some new teachers and left with a overall positive feeling about the day. Then I met my friend to see a movie; Greenburg. I liked the movie; not too much but just enough of a story where we want to know what the hell is going on in the character's minds. What made me enjoy this movie more was the conversation afterward. We stopped for a drink, discussed the movie, discussed ourselves and discussed life. It's good to see that other people think the same things I do. I know this to be a universal truth but I do want it to be re-enforced, every once in a while. That's the great thing about Dave. He's always up for a conversation that doesn't fit into chit/chat. He looks for the deeper meaning in things, whether it be basketball, neurosis, or life. I like the side he brings out in me.

I am looking forward to see where my future is headed. And I think this might be the first time, at least in a while, I have sought out the thoughts that lead me to imagine what my life might be like in a few years. But usually never more than that. I'm only 27 for christ's sake.

Today

was my birthday. Thanks to all the well wishers. I have been on this planet for 27 years. How would the world have been different? Best not to concern yourselves with that one. As I sat on my stoop last night thinking about the upcoming benchmark, I became sad. (Worry not friends it happens to the best of us.) I just got overwhelmed, then I realized why. I am Peter Pan. I don't want to grow up, I don't look into the future and see myself smiling back, I look to the past and see a toe headed child with his arm outstretched, asking me to play with him. He is smiling, and always sad when I give him the, "Well, what can I do" look. Shoulders shrugged, half smile trying to overcome my always frowning mustache. I tilt my head and he runs off, looking for a new adventure. It is a regret of nothing that makes me feel this way. What would you call it if you regret your present? Don't worry this will pass, and always seems to happen around my birthday. Another thing, I do not like grown up birthdays. I remember having friends over, running wild, screaming, shouting. We had cake and colorful presents wrapped so that anything could be inside. Our dreams, our futures were tied by those bright bows. I spent my birthday alone. No running, no screaming, no cake. I ate the worst Chinese food I have ever had and before that I might have even taken a nap. Then I watched a depressing tv show, and after, a depressing movie. I had no idea that either of these would work out the way they did. I know I am not alone in this type of celebration. There is a pain in my heart. Has been there ever since I understood what it was. Maybe if my family were assholes, I wouldn't look back with such wide eyes. Damn them for a wonderful childhood. Can it all go downhill after those vibrant balloons and sugary cakes? Nah, I'm just pissed off because I am bored. It's time to go back to work. Time to think about the future, because that's possible. Going back to when I could run and jump and scream while slaying dragons or hitting that game winning shot or having Donatello defeat Shredder, going back to then is not possible. Nobody will play with me. And I have to admit that is a good thing because if my friends were still playing with G.I. Joes and legos, I would have to reconsider who I was and if I really was a 27 year old man living, working, breathing on his own. Or if I was being taken care of by the state. There is advice that I have heard, repeated and genuinely believe in. The past is over, there is no going back. Remember the good times. (and the bad, hey they build character) You age. End of story, but not the end.

So this is my 100th post,

I can't believe that it happened on St. Patrick's day. Today is a day where I usually get drunk and today was no exception. I just made it home thanks to Mike. His kind car lent me a passage home. I have been doing absolutely nothing since my vacation started (This morning) when I woke up around nine in the morning. I am sitting here typing this after three 24 oz. Pabst Blue ribbon tall cans and an Irish car bomb. I thought I would have drunk more but I sit here telling you that this was enough. I cheers to all of those whom celebrated St. Patrick's day with vigor and zest and whom didn't come home at 11:47 p.m. Thank you all very much who have witnessed this 100th blog and know that more will follow.

Dustin

Surprisingly

good game tonight as the Lakers did not simply walk away with a win. It came down to the last shot, well, the last two shots. It was hard to rally the students I went with to show support for the hometown team, but I did have one girl change her mind. All in all it was good experience. This time, as opposed to the last two times I went to Oracle arena, a fight did not break out. I think everyone enjoyed the game since it wasn't a blowout, and good sportsmanship was had by all. I start my vacation tomorrow and I hope you can join me in spirit as I sip on some lattes or tea with steamed soy milk and honey. Those are wonderfantasticool. Yeah, I made that up. The sun is shining here in the Haight and I can't wait to wander around tomorrow. Enjoy your days too. By the way, finished Lolita, fantastic, but too much French. I feel like I missed something.

Dustin

My

vacation will start on Tuesday as I am going into work tomorrow, just for an hour to tie up some loose ends. However, I do get to sleep in and I am mainly going there because afterward I am going to see the Lakers get whooped. That would be nice but I will be surprised if Golden State losses by less than twenty. Then my vacation (I will not use that annoying word) begins.

My plans are this; do nothing, write, think of and make another movie, go to at least three different cafes around the city, start and finish a book, drink on Wednesday, recover on Thursday, watch copious amounts of movies, enjoy the sunshine, somehow make a new friend, eat Indian food, research and see if I want to learn Tai Chi, improve my Japanese even if ever so slightly, play a lot of the video games arriving shortly, sleep in only on Thursday, try to wean myself off Rockstar, find something to do with all my shoes, celebrate my birthday, write my 100th blog post (that is coming up very soon,) sell or trade in some books I have already read, discover a new planet, solve the JFK assassination, repair the ozone layer, cure cancer, have a stomach transplant, invent the hover board, learn to speak with animals, discover Atlantis, throw a 110 mile and hour fastball, master blind folded chess, discover how to charge electronic items with the energy in our own bodies. And if I don't sleep in on Thursday, find the meaning of life.

Dustin

When

we have good ideas, we might want to think about them twice. Last night I thought it was a good idea to drink as much as I could in a very little amount of time. Now I am feeling that pain, still. Good ideas come in masks, but bad ideas smell better.

Dustin

I don't know

how but I am able to post this blog, but I went to a show and I am very drunk and barely ably to type this message. I had a wonderful time and am looking forward to the next time I can have this experience. Tonight it was The Big Pink and I know Metric will play next week at the Fox and I hope I will see them.


Dustin

The bus

So I take the bus to work almost everyday. I decided that I wanted to share this experience with people. I took nine minutes of video this morning, but I cropped it down to less than a third of what it actually was. I am basically doing this to familiarize myself with the technology. And, I like doing it. It's fun to see it all come together. I have to say that when I saw the final project I felt all warm and gooey inside. The song helped a lot. It's good to have a huge music library so that when you type in "bus" you can find an appropriate song. I don't know what will come of this but it's fun. I feel accomplished when it's finished. Let me know what you think.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Dustin798?feature=mhw4#p/a/u/0/L4tugYiymhY

Dustin

Also

Last night I had a strange dream. (sorry I realized that I wanted to keep writing, to spill this out on a page before I forget all of it. It goes like this:

The night before I get a call from my mother and she tells me she got me a plane ticket to New York and that I would leave at three a.m. that night. For some reason I questioned it, Not just questioned it, I screamed at her (mom, this is by no means a reason never to buy me a plane ticket to New York) Sure, normal Dustin would question this but I think he would jump at the chance. Cut to me arriving very early in the morning to my friends neighborhood in Brooklyn. I couldn't or didn't talk to him, but instead I saw a stationary store. It was right next to the cafe where his girlfriend used to work part time. I really wanted a pen. It was snowing. I went inside with the one duffel bag I had with me. It had just one glass case and a pen where you refilled the ink very methodically. There was a French Girl working the counter and doing just that. She unapologetically said "bonjour" and went about her business. I was entranced and stood there watching her work. Then, with ink stained hands she held out the pen for me. I had been watching her for a few minutes so I thought I knew what I was doing. She watched me do it once then grabbed my hand a guided me, wordlessly, breathlessly. After that, she let me work. I was transferring the ink for one box that was the stores into a smaller one. After her foreign hello, she said nothing and I followed suit. It took a long time, I was transferring the ink one drop at a time. I remember the first few drops. The patterns they made on the light brown of the wood as they spattered and stayed. Then I saw the pool rise and felt accomplished. Think of dipping a straw into water about half an inch then capping one end, holding it and releasing it into another glass of water. I saw her smile, she said I was a natural.

I remember that smile, it was lazy with a hint of pride. We fell asleep together. It was exhausting and I hadn't yet watched the sun rise. I never thought it strange that she had mattresses all around her shop, behind the counter. We I awoke I wasn't alone with her. She wasn't there. It was rather a scene out of an independent film about music. Topless, bearded men in trucker hats, women with tights and suspenders, married people who looked thirteen in ironic t-shirts, brightly colored ray ban wearers. And they were all mad.

"Who the hell are you?"
"What the fuck do you think you are doing here?"
"You can't just crash here, man."
They screamed, but their eyes squinted quickly as they remembered their hangovers. I stood up on a mattress or a chair that faced all of them.
"Look I just got in from San Francisco and I saw this place and came in and I filled ink, or whatever with Slyviana, (I will never forget that name) then crashed. I woke up and you were all here."
"Get the fuck out." I grabbed my bag and left. I think it was still early in the morning. One of the guys, now fully clothed came after me. He started pushing. I yelled and said that I was leaving and I'm sorry. He threw a punch at me and missed. I threw one and hit him square in the face. Then something took a hold of me and I hit him again. He was swinging wildly and I realized he was about twice my size, but I kept knocking him back. My Brooklynite friend found me and I ran over to him.(Side note, isn't it strange how "ran over to him" the phrasing of the word, isn't gay but if I were to say "I ran to him" it would be. Prepositions are amazing.) So I ran over to him and was all excited and told him few details. The main point I wanted to express was that I found out I was good at fighting. Now at this point other guys had come out and were even more angry that I beat up the previous guy, along with crashing at their place without notice. He was game and we joined back into a fray.

Cut to running into a concrete structure. (These have been showing up a lot lately.) I think more people came out. We were laughing and I lit up a cigarette. I grabbed him by the shoulders, with the cigarette in my teeth and looked into his face. I was grinning, wide eyed. I started hopping and whooping. I leaned back and screamed. Tim did the same. With our now bruised faces, I threw my arm around him and we walked off into the distance.

What the Hell does it all mean? And where did Sylviana go? French Girls.

Dustin

A day late

Alright, so I watched The Oscars. I have to say that the lead up was deflating faster than a Happy Birthday balloon eight days later. Like I said it felt like a chore to watch all the movies. Deadlines do just that, they kill it. What was supposed to be a fun achievement meant not much once it was said and done. True, I might be feeling different if I had actually gone through with seeing all of them. I will say that I watched more than most. There were some fantastic movies last year. I saw so many that I can't really tell you the ones I thought should have made it but didn't. However, I would like to propose a new category: Best independent film. I know that there are special festivals for this kind of thing, and inevitably films like "The Hurt Locker," which was an independent film, might not have gotten best picture. But I think it would expose more of the Hollywood elite to more trailblazing films. Money doesn't dictate great films, in fact more often than not, it kills them in the spirit of the almighty dollar. "The Hurt Locker" was the lowest grossing film to capture the best picture statue. I am proud to say that I predicted the winner, walking back to Dave's after watching the film, I said it. So, cut the best picture category back down to five and add best independent film. This is just one man, with no power in Hollywood's thought. I might get a few people to agree.

Actually this has given me an opportunity to examine how I view movies, individually and overall. Do I want to sit down to a movie like "The Book of Eli" with a critic's eye or a movie goer's eye. Do I want to disassemble the plot of "Avatar," or would I rather sit back and enjoy the cold Iccee in my left hand while being amazed at the floating 3-D objects that seem mere inches from my face? Do I want to contemplate if I really buy into Clooney as a lonely man of the sky or simply smile at Brad Pitt leading a rouge group of soldiers in a baseball bat swinging, swastika carving romp through Europe? Well, I guess I need more research and that means more movies. I think the next one I'll see is the far from intellectual horror flick "The Crazies," Or perhaps a 3-D adventure in a wonderland.

Dustin

At the start of the day,

I had ten movies to watch. It was not a good idea to leave all or most of the foreign films to last because I am sick, and as my sister mentioned, I had a lot of reading today. The bad thing is, my mind cannot function as it normally would. I was able to get through three films; one Italian, another Peruvian, and another one French. Since I am sick I had to sleep for a few hours and that could have been another movie. I'm not sure I will make it through all of them tomorrow, but if I don't watch the Harry Potter movie, that's fine by me. I have neither read any of the books nor watched any of the movies in that series. So, tomorrow I have seven movies to watch and hopefully I will find the time to make it through all of them. If I don't succeed, then it isn't the end of the world. It's a good thing that we all don't live in action movies. What we do for ourselves really doesn't have any bearing on other people. That's fine by me. No one has forced me to undertake this mission, as I have been calling it. In terms of what I want, I would much rather not be sick than have missed a few movies.


Dustin

About

two more days until the oscars. I am excited and underwhelmed. I think it will not be as rewarding as I hope, but one never knows. I am very much looking forward to next week, when I get my afternoon schedule back. Although, I will miss the morning teachers. I emplore you all to move to the afternoon, it's sunnier there. After next week I will have a, and I hate this word, staycation. I do have plans, big plans. I want to see as many live shows as possible. I haven't been to one in a while. Also I am looking to expand my social circle, but I'm not sure how to do this. How does one make freinds, outside of work school, etc? I barely made any friends in College. It was pretty easy, I just avoided it. I think that I'm a likable person. Anyone want to go with me on a week long, music and booze bender? I'm sure it will be pretty tame. I might make it to more than one show, but knowing myself, it's not likely. I will see The Big Pink next week. That should be great. I have gotten to the point where I am just rambling, so I am going to stop, take a shower and sleep. Good morning.

Dustin

So, I bought a Flip camera. It's HD and very easy to use. I made another video in about fifteen minutes, including the upload time. I used a song from the band Why?. It's a short view of my house, mainly my kitchen. I just made it to test out the camera and Apple's Imovie, which is ridiculously easy to use. It's very strange, when I was working on this i didn't think about anything else. I was entirely focused on what I was doing with my computer and forgot about everything else. I know I have a long way to go and still consider this just a hobby but I feel that the more creative things I participate in, the better. Luckily, you all are along for the ride. I tried to upload it to here, but that was taking forever. So I will supply the link to youtube. Even for a 44 second video it is still 20 MB. I hope you all enjoy this and see it a just a tiny sample of what's to come. Up next, Dave, Steve, Justin and I are going to make a Kaplan rap video. And we are going to do everything ourselves, the music, the song, the filming and everything else that we can think of. once again, I hope you all enjoy this and have a good day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfdOWfKTxgE

Dustin

Have you

ever woken up so tired that you feel like you are still asleep? I did that today. The first hour I felt I was trudging through the street on the bus, off the bus, down the block. It felt like I was moving so slowly. People weren't passing me by, but I know my normal speed and this was not it. You know in the movies when the camera is focused on one person, but thousands of people rush by as a blur. That feeling has stayed with me all day, at my heels. I saw it, and it winked at me. It knows something that I am not privy to. I know it will go away, search for other food, but it is a reminder of what to expect. These days we are only certain of ourselves. The time we have in this earth is fading with every breath. However, I once heard that we are all sharing the breaths of Caesar. So too, I share my breath until the end of time. I share it will all of you, even if you are hundreds or thousands of miles away. We breath Plato, Cleopatra, our grandparents, our friends, lovers, ex-lovers. When you look into the stars or at the sand and feel small and impermanent, just breathe and you will have shared life with everyone.