Some things are better left unsaid.

I don't what those things are because no one told me.

I woke up late today.

I was late to work, and added to the chaos of moving and most everyone coming back from vacation. I threw on clothes, didn't shower. I hadn't bought deodorant, but I did have the presence of mind to grab an old stick of travel antiperspirant of my sisters, that I had been using all week because my deodorant had exploded, to make sure I didn't sweat through my clothes. All I had was my record at work. I have filled in many times and think I have only been late once or twice in almost a year and a half. I still worried. But that is done. I made it through with little harm, because where I work is great.

I had a few sitcom moments today. I wanted to buy some cologne today. Yes, I wear cologne, that doesn't make me a metro-sexual. However my nose was a little plugged, I think because of the central air in the new building. So I couldn't just smell the nozzles, and unfortunately, I failed to see the little cards that are used for the purpose of testing the scents. I did leave there with a new cologne, and a sweet gym bag as a free gift, and sadly my hands smelling like six or seven different odors. I was assaulted with this combination all the way home, with a scratch of my beard, or a sip of my vitamin water. The issue has been resolved. I just took a shower, so I smell of body soap, conditioner, and minty freshness.

I was watching a tv cop show. When I was home I found an old pair of sweet head phones with an exceptionally long cord. As I was sitting at my computer watching the show I used my rolley chair to get around and as it turned out the cord had wrapped around the stem of the chair and I was stuck. I laughed because I could see myself. I thought, "Shit like this actually happens to people. Huh?" My life is filled with cords and screens.

I found a few new things today. Look up a cop show called "The Unusual." It started in April and has already been canceled but has ten episodes out there.

Also I found the female version of one of my favorite bands; The National. They, or she, is called Florence and the Machine. I'm sure most of you have heard of them because of their commercial success, but if not listen to them.

I'm back

I am back in the city that I have truly grown to love. I saw my hometown, but it was completely different. It seems that everything that I hated about that town expanded. Its kitsch, all of it. They know they live in a small town so they play on that. It was a long week, but only due to the travel issues. Layovers in Vegas are a good idea, in theory.

As of now I haven't slept for thirty-four and a half hours. It will probably be another hour before I fall asleep. I look forward to sleeping n my own bed, it has been the only one I have ever chose and purchased. I look forward to seeing my students again. I look forward to hearing the comments on my beard. It is apparently wild. I think that when people look at me they think I don't care about what I look like, but it is the complete opposite. A person with a beard like mine shouldn't be grooming it with anything other than their fingers, which is a rule I have broken.

Also, it's nice to be able to walk for thirty minutes without the thought of death ever crossing my mind. Montana winters validate your mortality. Only three more days left in the year, make them count.

Heading home

I must be crazy because I am leaving this wonderful 5o degree wather to go to a place with subfreezing tempretures. But I have friends and family there, so it will all work out. I had a quiet day with myself. I did some christmas shopping, watched the Fisher King, interesting. I thought that there really wasn't anything that centered around homeless people. I was wrong. I still want to write a play about it. And since it was let known that this city has one of the worst homeless populations, now is the right time. It's not that the homeless people are bad, it is just that there are a lot of them. Maybe too many to help.

I had energy today, that might have been because I woke up at 8:00. Yes in the a.m. I can't believe it. I haven't arisen that early unless it was for work or an early plane ride, for years. But we do surprise ourselves. But do we ever startle ourselves?

It has happened.

I bash Christmas, well, maybe just the Americans interpretation of it. Then I decide that I am actually looking forward to it. I think It has been a good few couple of weeks. Most people were nice and I am enjoying my friends more and more. (Wow that sounded terrible.) I mean that i am spending more time with my friends. Most people are going away so they sneak in that last bit o' Dustin and I get to see them as well.

Man, this city is incredible.

My stomach, and stomachs in general, have too many nerves to not possess a processing unit of some sort, like the brain.

I can't stop thinking about the great things that have happening to me this year, and good god what will happen next year?

Will be happy to see the Monatannittes.

Tomorrow

is the last day at our center. New year new school, this is a little exciting. I am also going to be taking a trip to Montana. That should be fun. Unfortunately, it will only be for a few days. Oh well. The end of the year is turning out to be bittersweet.

Had some bomb Chinese food, and am starting to think that my deodorant isn't working too well. Can you become immune to it? Wait those two things aren't related, unless somehow the Chinese food made me smell. I don't think that was the case but all of you in Internetland can't smell me. Could I be sweating Mu Shu? I'll let you think about that.

Enjoy the last two weeks of 2009!

My dream job

consists of having someone rich who doesn't like surprises. He/she would have the exact same interests as I and want someone to do the things they are going to do. For example. If they are planning on eating at a new restaurant, I would eat there first and let them know if the food, service, atmosphere, etc was good enough for them. Or it could be a movie they wanted to see, I would see it first and tell them if it was good. Then hopefully it would lead to things such as vacations in Bali or concerts at Madison Square Garden. I would be able to live their life first and then tell them if it is worth it. I have the personality that even if I went to a place and would not recommend it, I would still log it as an experience. Much like I do when there is a crazy person talking to me while I am waiting for the bus.

I know that this job exists I just need to meet the people who need this done. If that can be arranged then please give me a call at...

40th

This is my fortieth blog. Forty is my favorite number. Out of ten four is my favorite number. It's strange to say this to a Japanese or Korean and maybe even Chinese person. In their culture four is a very bad number. It means death. Much like we don't have thirteenth floors here, they won't have fourth floors. This made me like the number even more.

Today was a domestic day. I did my laundry, even my sheets. I made some kick ass ribs, (the secret: brown sugar and Tapatio.) then for the third Sunday in a row I saw a movie, but this time without George Clooney. I watched INVICTUS. I had the chance to go with my S. African friend and his mates, so it was extra special. I question the timing of this movie. For those of you who don't know anything about it, it takes place around the 1995 S. African Rugby World Cup. Next year the FIFA World Cup will be held there. Interesting.

Freeman as Mandela, great. Having Clint Eastwood put two of his sons, one as a rugby player, no problem, one in charge of the music, big problem. It was distracting from an otherwise inspiring movie. It made me want to watch and maybe even play some rugby. I don't really see the latter happening, but if Matt Damon could do it...

2nd Office party

Tonight was a going away/christmas party. There was a good vibe all around. I have to say that I have gotten very lucky with my co-workers. I feel at this stage in my life I could be in a job with people who bore me. No one at work bores me. We may bitch and moan but that will happen with any job. When I go to work, I am surrounded by rich personalities. Also, I am surrounded by people from other countries. I like my job, not because of the work I do but rather the people I do it with/for.

Next week will be quite a change, a new schedule, possibly a different level, afternoons off, and oh yes, a smaller paycheck. Even though I don't get a long vacation, or paid for my vacation it fits me. I take one week off and have the chance to go home for that. If not then I will be able to do only what I want to do. I forget sometimes, that I have a choice, and that is dangerous.

Lately I have been choosing to do things I wouldn't normally do. Sometimes I am more extroverted and sometimes more introverted. That might be what makes you an adult. Deciding that you are only going to do what you want to do, well, at least, most of the time. (too many commas?)

Music is good, food is good, friends are good, life is good.

A short one

I am very tired as you can see by the time of this post. I had a long day. I felt terrible when I woke up. I was tired, had a headache, and was surprised because I got plenty of sleep today. I said goodbye to some students I will truly miss, taught class which consisted of grading tests, went to a pretty good office party, went to a hookah bar, danced on stage then, then made it home to see strangers on my stoop. They were fine, just smoking. All in all it was a bittersweet day. Thank for listening, goodnight.

Dustin

New

Tomorrow is the last day before the Christmas break. This means it will be the last day for some teachers in the place we have called home for quite some time. Also it is the last time we will only be us. We are merging with more teachers. Our core will be changed. I think this is a good thing and am looking forward to it. New people are always good. It is also the last day for some beloved students. Unfortunately, over the past few months I was unable to be their teacher. This meant some distance was put between us. It's a good thing because then it won't be as hard to see them go, but things will change. They will be missed.

In less than a month it will be a new year. Two-thousand and ten hopes to be a promising year. One tenth of a century will have finished. Also I have almost been an adult for ten years. And I fear that I will almost be an adult for much longer. Ah, I don't fear it, I enjoy it. Youth has not been wasted on me.

Transitions are fun for me. I think I can find the better in what is coming rather than what is. It might be a fault, but I choose not to see it that way, and who knows I might change. (See, that's a perfect example.) Well, 2009, I will miss you. You have been good to me. I will never see you again but that is the way it has to be. So I will start saying my goodbyes now. You were always there, a faithful friend who always let me know where I was. Take care. I will think about you often. You have been one of the greatest years of my life. New friends, lovers, ideas, burdens, trials, successes, have come into my life because of you. Thank you.

Yes you can talk to years.

Payday Part ll

So I got paid today, went to the doctor's office, missed no work and went shopping. At the doctor's they said that I had some tendinitis in my shoulder and that I just have to take it easy and it should go away. They are unsure about what's wrong with my stomach. I have another appointment at a different place next week. And they took some blood, and gave me a Rice Krispie's treat. Fair trade in my assessment, it was double chocolate.

It has been cold today and since I have shaved my head it has felt ten times colder. After work I decided to find a hat. It sounds simple. But damn it took me three hours, but I did manage to get three Christmas presents and also a hat. I was probably swindled by some sweet talking ladies in the mall but they were friendly and frankly it was nice to talk to strangers. I don't do that enough. Usually I'm just talking to the crazy guy at the bus stop and making sure that he gets to tell me all about how God has put him on the path he was on.

Now that I realize it, I don't have that much more shopping to do. It's not that I don't want to give. That's all fine and good. I just don't want to do it with all the other people. They don't look or care where they are going. They all have more money than me, and waste it. That reminds me of a fantastic target ad that I think will work very negativly and that makes me smile. It's the one where the guy turns on the lights and a man and a dog are walking by. The dog growls and starts barking and the man says that the dog doesn't like people flaunting their wealth. The guy with the house was like, "But I'm not rich." You hope for moments like these. They are actually saying that a necessity in life is to make sure that your house is covered in christmas lights. That must make the people who can't even afford to eat feel like shit. He's poor and still has lights. But my belly is rumbling. Hmm, Lights or food? Tough choice. And yes I am fully aware that I am a hypocrite, but so are doctor's and we still admire them. So in a way you should admire me.

Payday

So it has been a rough week. I ran out of money last week and have been scraping by on pasta and rockstars. There may have been bounced checks, and there were some clothes sold. Even though I never would choose to do this, it happens and it happens and it happens. But tomorrow is pay day and I will make the same promise that I always make, to be better with money. Oh well, I made it. I think I have lost some weight due to this. Don' t worry parents I am eating enough. Most people have a catalog of what they want to buy in their minds. I have a catalog too, rather I have a catalog of things that I shouldn't have bought. Things like a thirty dollar hat I have worn and will only wear once. Since I don't have anyone else to think about, I don't feel that bad that I wasn't able or haven't been able to save any money. This city is expensive, they don't pay me enough, wah wah wah. I'm not dead but I hope that isn't what it will take for me to wizen up.

Luckily, I am not going to talk about this any more. I am going to go to sleep, wake refreshed and paid, and head to the doctor's office. There they will look at my shoulder and tell me to put some ice on it, give me pills, pat me on the ass and tell me to get back in the game. To most people this may sound patronizing, but I would much rather have that than have them poke or prod me and then tell me I am going to die, but secretly, they are told by the government to kill me because as it turns out I am the perfect human being, the one who will bring a revolution and teach the world how to be friends while making enemies, who, subsequently are the most powerful people in the world before they realize my secret and try to destroy my all the while telling me that I have a cancer that never existed only to protect them from a future that they were warned about by a time traveling robot, reprogrammed by the aliens who tried to take over our planet with the help of the government but were stopped by the resistance that I led.

Remember your imagination? Aren't those fun?

Up in the Air

I saw this movie tonight with friends. Liked it. Clooney was good. The writing good, all in all a good movie. I will recommend this if you aren't looking for anything to knock your socks off but rather to unwittingly provoke thoughts. Moving on.

Even though it shows none of the hells we all associate with traveling, if you are doing it consistently, the redundancies wear on you. However much we think that we want to be jet setters and travel, see and do things, here or there, we forget how much we should have to spend in the airports. Most people don't have the rewards cards, get to sit in first class, or fuck stewardesses wherever we go, as the movies would suggest. But I still had that itch. I haven't flown that much but I do see it as a challenge. All those mundane things we do, check in, security, I make those into a game. A race to see how much faster I can get through the security check out as opposed to the person and the metal gate next to me. While I am doing that I try for style points. I don't ever want to hop around on one leg while I fumble to get my shoes off. Slips-ons at the airport. I try to show people that traveling is not as hard as you think. Just take less shit. Then when all that nastiness is finished I can head to the waiting area and start a brand new novel. I read there, I read on the plane, I read while making a connection, I read on the second flight (since most of the time I never seem to get non-stop flights) and then I read when I am waiting to be picked up. I try to finish the whole novel in one day. Then there is a huge sense of accomplishment. Think about the last time you finished a book. How long did it take you? In airports you have nothing but your carry on and free time.

The other chore is finding where it is permitted to smoke. That's why I choose Salt Lake. It has smoking rooms that you don't need to go back and forth security checks to enjoy. I have had long layovers and it is worth it to grab two cigarettes and then head back in through security. But I never want to miss a connection because the urge for nicotine was too strong. That shows way too much lack of control.

Don't eat in airports. The food is way over priced and it will make you use the bathroom in very uncomfortable places. Just think about how many strangers are doing the same thing you are. You might see that place again but you might not and there are millions of you. People do not treat airports with respect. Keep that in mind and maybe you will for a change.

There, those are my flying tips.

Karaoke

I had a fun night out with friends. I will have to thank Mike for dragging my ass out tonight. Even though in the end I was the thirteenth wheel, I still had a good time. I'm glad that Mike and Kim have such a big group of friends, well I guess some of them were mine as well. Karaoke is one thing I never thought I would have liked. That was until I went to Japan and found a different style. Although, singing is strenuous. It has never been my strong suit. Polyester, that's a different story.

I was the youngest in the group tonight and I saw those couples, all who have or will be settling down soon and my emotions are split. I don't see myself doing that anytime soon. Where I am right now, I think that's the best thing for me. I plan to move soon, and couldn't hold a long distance relationship.

But on the other hand I saw how happy and comfortable they all were with each other. I might have had that, but never really with the idea of it going on forever. It is getting harder and harder for me to understand that connection. The faith they have in each other, at least from my point of view, is awe inspiring. I'm not talking about fidelity, I mean in each other's character. They support each other, mainly because they know their flaws, insecurities, strengths and compassion. I think it would be incredibly difficult for me to find that trust and provide the trustworthiness needed to reach that peak.

I hate to say this, but Olivia really fucked me up. Damn

I don't remember San Francisco being this cold.

It may be because I have shaved my head but it feels bitter bitter cold. True, it is nothing like Montana and it might be the apartment I reside in but still it shivers me. Luckily, I have spent the last few hours looking for jobs in Spain. This means that soon I will be spending my time in a warmer climate, I am thinking about Barcelona. I think back to when I went to Spain for a class trip. It could have been Siberia but I feel in love with that country. Now I am older, wiser, can speak more Spanish and have the experience to go back. However, there is a hitch. It seems that I may need to get my TEFL certificate if I want a chance at all to teach over there. I have experience but they want to see that I have studied it, even if it is only for four weeks.

That brings me back to Japan. I am more than qualified to teach there. But they have cold winters as well, and I have been there. I was short changed and all but forced to leave. I feel there is a piece I left there, a piece I didn't even know I had. If I do go there I would be delaying the inevitable, and that would be the need to return to Spain, and I will need a TEFL course. Japan will be there after Europe. But I don't know how long that will be. Poor me, a wide open and worthy future, frown.

Even though it is cold as hell (ironic phrase), my shaved head does feel nice to touch. Enjoy the world. It's my gift to you.

I have very skinny fingers.

Once a girlfriend of mine said that she liked the way her fingers looked, she said that they were getting skinny. I told her that or fingers don't change size. Once we have finished growing our fingers don't change. I now know this not to be true. I can see things that I have never seen in my hands before. Over the past few months I have been dropping weight. I like this, since it's hard for me to want to exercise, I wheeze. My mother used to count my ribs when I was growing up. I liked that I have always liked that fact.

The world is full of beautiful people, I just have never thought of myself as one of them. My parents say so, but they are blood, so, disqualified. It's hard for me to think that there or have been women out there who lust after me. I am even considering ex-girlfriends. I thought for the longest time that I had an amazing personality and that got me laid. So I guess the realization of being attractive is a let down. I value my personality but now, if people don't see that then I feel unworthy.

I am sorry about the last two entries, they have been a little self-serving. I will be more humble later but fuck it, while we are on the subject, what else is great about me? The fact that I'm not perfect.

Funny

People think I'm funny. I think I'm funny. But it's hard to say. People laugh when I make jokes. Does that mean I am funny? Humor is not overrated. I don't really feel blue that often but it does happen and I love the people who can make me laugh and I hope that I can do that for some people.

I watched a movie that involved stand up comedians. I have thought about trying that. I've done it once before. I didn't have the confidence. My whole bit, as it's called, revolved around the Passion of the Christ. That movie had come out or was coming out around that time. My bit was about how weird it would be if Jesus were alive now. I had a joke about going to prom and Jesus' first time with a girl. And he would be good, you know because he's Jesus. But that would only work against him because she would be screaming his father's name and that might be a little unnerving. She would just be shouting out "Oh god, fuck me, fuck me. Oh God yes." If anything could disturb his flow, that would be it.

Also he would have to be an accountant for the mafia. This all tied in with the stereotype of Jews being good with money and The Mafia being Italians. Then it wouldn't be a cross it would be a gun. They would have pistols or shotguns around their necks.

That was about as far as I got with it. I think the comedy that is out now deals a lot with sex and homosexuality. I know in certain ways that could be funny, but I think I would get in my head too much and think about stuff that I think is funny rather than what other people think. I guess this is just one of my dreams that probably won't see the light of day but who knows, maybe I can be funny and maybe I'll kill on stage. Luckily I haven't had people tell me that I should do stand up. I wouldn't want that stigma following me around.

I just want the stigma that I am a nice guy follow me around. But then that wouldn't be a stigma now would it?

Good night, I'm going to bed now. I have an earlier class tomorrow. I feel as though I will be able to sleep relatively easily. I like that feeling. I do lack the confidence one needs to get a good night's sleep. But it's not all bad. I have lived longer than the average person my age.

" Sniff, sniff?"

"That's the music."