I just watched Sucker Free City, I'm on a Spike Lee kick. It was a good movie but what I liked was that I had been to some of the places in the movie. The basketball court he goes to borrow money, not where they argue about bootlegging or where the drive by happened, I've played ball there. That's all I have to say about that.
I felt good today, even though I had to race around to find somewhere to piss. I felt one with this city, for a while I had felt like an outsider. I think I have accepted it as my home. I have been here a year and a half but still felt like a visitor. What I like so much about this city is that fact that it is so condensed. If you walk for ten minutes, unless your in the Richmond or the Mission, then you are in a completely different part of town. And the characters are abundant. The city is full of people, not because it's so big but because it's so small.
This realization is kind of bittersweet for me. I am starting to fit in this city yet the urge to leave has been becoming much stronger. If I did leave it would be somewhere utterly different. I mean another country. I feel young and brave and I don't want to waste that. I may not be that healthy physically, but my mind is a world class athlete. I'm ready to create and starve. Not from hunger from food but from hunger of the soul. I want to be misunderstood and confused. When I went to Japan before I had no idea what lied ahead. Now I know and can embrace it, let it flourish while I contemplate. From what I know about myself is, it might take some time but I will understand.