Today was a good day. I cleaned cooked, ate, smoked and drank. All of these things, some of them just necessary, some pleasurable, happened. I would like to thank the people who dressed up today. It was nice to see people around dressing silly, sounding stupid and enjoying themselves.

I feel as if this weekend has been a huge transition, but I don't know what's changing, I don't understand it. And you know what, that's fine. I don't need to understand everything. I hope that is not a defeatist attitude. I moved from Mike's, ran out of pills, and am starting a new relationship. It also seems that Japan will happen again. But what about my dream about being a rockstar? I want that. I want those screaming fans, the energy in the room caused by me, the late nights, the new, fake friends, the empty feeling when it's finished. I just hope I can be a rockstar in Japan. That would combine the two.

I'm sorry, I'm being selfish, what are your goals?